Afternoon at the Everglades Skunk Ape Research Headquarters

I hung out in the Everglades all day today. I had to be forced into the Skunk Ape Attraction - the tackiness factor is OFF THE CHARTS.

And I was worried about the welfare of the animals on display. I had nothing to worry about.

I just about had to be forced to leave ... the guy who cares for these animals gave me a personal tour. He knows all the biological (?) names of all the critters. I thought he must have gone to school for it and asked him how he learned them so well.

He said "I got bit a lot." (He showed me his two biggest scars, one on the arm from one of the birds I held and another on his leg from a green iguana who tore out a chunk by laying in and giving a big twist.)

When I left he told the guys out front "watch her, she'll be back for DoDo if you give her half a chance." (The white bird.) DoDo was so loving he "regurgitated food for me". Beastmaster said he'd never seen him do that, said it was a huge compliment.

I haven't been puked on since a rock concert at Cobo Hall in the 70s.

Beastmaster went in with the big alligators and rubbed their sides so they'd hiss. (He said they're pretty tame, they were raised there.) He also teased a Nile Monitor by sort of nudging it on the side - it lashed it's tail like it wanted to kick his ass.

He said there's just nothing pleasant about those lizards. That one was captured in Cape Coral, the people thought it would make a cool pet. They were wrong.

If you're ever in the Naples area, head south on 41 and take in the sights. It was an amazing day.

Here's a link to their site. Don't be alarmed - the "Shooting Gallery" is photos:-)

http://www.skunkape.info/component/option,com_frontpage/Itemid,1/

Night of the Pilots

I am changing names to protect the guilty.

Sally hasn't been out in years and damned if she didn't decide hanging out with me at Fort Myers Beach bars could be fun that particular Saturday night.

She was sipping wine in a low cut sundress telling me about her ex when a drunk guy crawled into the Cottage Bar on hands and knees.

Noting designer sandals and painted toenails at 10 o clock, he lifted his head to find his nose nearly in her cleavage.

Apparently it was lust at first sight. The night was young and so was he.

Drunk ... bright blue eyes, sort of short with big muscles, bigger ego and close cropped blondish hair. Said he was from Minnesota. I asked if he was Finnish and he was like "how'd you know that?" Like I was psychic or something.

In Minnesota or northern Michigan, you just KNOW that with anyone who crawls into a bar.

He was babbling on ad nauseam about being a pilot and wanting us to go to Jimmie B's with him and I was getting really bored. Sally was starting to look irritated, despite the fact that it had been years since she had experienced bad attention. Which is always better than no attention at all.

I was wondering if our pilot had any supervision when the movie star walked in. Holy crap, tall with dark hair, sweet cheeks and kind blue eyes. Yes, they were pilots, yes, they flew a private jet, I won't say which executives they fly for.

Cash and American Express cards were at the ready ... and no, thank God, they weren't scheduled to fly out anytime soon.

He liked me, but that's just ridiculous. The words of rough, grizzled Uncle Buck from VSI ring in my ears ... "I like screwing older women. They're grateful." UB carried photos of nieces and nephews so he could hit on vulerable women at Parents without Partners meetings.

Uncle Buck was a truck expert at the automotive marketing company we worked for. A total piece of work; and a hoot to work with.

So I excused myself from the movie star, tore Sally away from Short Pilot and we headed off to Lani Kai. Deb and the Dynamics were there. So was ... I'll call her Marie.

Marie hasn't had sex in ten years. Every weekend she dances her libido into the sandy floors of the beach bars, where she knows every band and every band member by name. Every bartender, waitress, bouncer ... you name it.

She has a thing for a local guy who's about 10 years younger. He is GORGEOUS. Cougar jokes have been flying, but he has been oblivious to her advances; if you remain silent, you can hear her confidence grinding down the tubes.

Sally sat in a corner and drank at Lani Kai ... Marie danced and I hung between the dance floor and the bar trying to avoid eye contact with two HOTTTTT younger guys. I am not even attracted.

Despite the fact that they were straight out of True Blood ... dark and a little dangerous looking. Like Hungarian gypsies with long hair and brooding eyes.

We shall call them Ponytail and The Lurker.

The Lurker walked up and asked me "who do you worship?" It was a creepy venue for a spiritual question so I ignored him, thinking he must be high.

Ponytail - like Tall Pilot - was ALSO movie star handsome. He had beautiful eyes and a kind face, but he kept violating my space. I got vibes ... sure enough, pony tail is Buddhist. I said "you're light and he's dark" (talking about his brother) and he nodded. The Lurker just stared from the shadows.

I didn't want to get into anything spiritual or talk about psychic phenomenon since that's clearly what they were about; I kept fantasizing about going home to watch Psychic Kids with my dogs. I asked Marie and Sally if they were ready for Jimmy B's and they said YEAH.

So we were off again.

Jimmy B's was humbling after the adventure we had just left. There were maybe two available men - one was our age - tall with giant schnoz and a baseball cap. The other was older and kept touching our arms for attention, like Bodhi when she wants a scrap.

Like Grandma's buddies in the Dementia Ward.

Old Guy was getting on our nerves when I spotted the pilots. I waved them in - and hilarity ensued. Holy crap - drinking and dancing and laughter.

So many times guys our age will blow off women our age in favor of young babes. It was VERY WEIRD to be on the other end of that scenario.

Short Pilot was a wildman, so danced by himself when no one would dance with him. Tall Pilot was still hitting on me but I made it clear I was going home; alone.

Marie was happy to take over. Sally was having a great time ... my friends were safe and happy so I left.

I heard from Marie late the next morning. She told me how many bars Tall Pilot had on his uniform. She said she was afraid to get room service for fear it would be delivered by someone she knew and was terrified driving past her church for fear someone would recognize her car.

It's two weeks later and she still has that smile on her face.

Sally claims nothing happened ... except for having the most fun she's had in many years.

I'm not sure this means my friends have shape-shifted into real-live cougars, but I think it's quite possible. They're out for more this coming Saturday ... and hammering me into compliance.

I prefer vicarious thrills, so expect an update Sunday or Monday.

The Secret of a Good Relationship?

Once you have lured the object of your desire into your lair, chain him/her to a hook near your bed.

WHO HAS A HOOK NEAR THEIR BED??

Who has a lair, for that matter?

I heard this on the BBC this morning while driving in to work and laughed out loud. You have to look at the link - Boy George isn't the twinkly fairy we knew and tolerated back in the 70s(?).

Now he looks like The Penguin.

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/boy-george-guilty-of-false-imprisonment/16170

Well, The Penguin probably WOULD have a hook near his bed.

So who is this in the photo? Our resident Jamaican Model didn't know ... our Head Designer guessed Dolly Parton ... it is Tina Turner. She is getting slammed for this concert getup.

Despite the fact she's not nearly as attractive as a blonde, Tina is STILL my hero.

It's nice to be this shallow after months of pre-election stress. Of course this morning we all woke up to the crippled auto, mortgage and housing industries. They're throwing around words like "DEEP recession."

All ya can do is work harder, spend less and poke through the scary bullshit for sparkling bits of humor.

And that jackass who is attempting to sue the courts saying Obama is not qualified to be President because he is not American Born??? (Born in Hawaii to an American mom and African dad) ... omigod, that putz can just kiss my liberal ass.

The country has spoken.

Thanksgiving at Tim's Place at the Channel Mark

Met Canadian Connie at Tim's Place for Thanksgiving. (This photo is from one evening last summer when we decided to walk the beach with the dogs.)

She brought her 28 year old son and the three of us had a fine time.

Temp was about 72 degrees - that's on the verge of cold for some of us, so we sat in the sun on the rail overlooking Hurricane Bay. I got a call from a friend in Michigan and didn't get much sympathy for having to wear a sweater.

Tim's Place was EMPTY compared to last year - but the food was outstanding. Connie let me taste her pumpkin soup - I need to track down that recipe. And their cranberries had bits of nuts and cherries ... they were heaven!

I told Connie the girls at work were telling me I need to start going to the Edison on Wednesdays because they have a "Cougar pit." Well, I won't have her to go prowling with; if I ever do.

Connie is moving to the Washington DC area in mid-December. I'm excited for her, but I'll miss her. I need pleasantly strange friends and there aren't a lot like her in these parts.

Connie is perhaps the only other person on the planet who has been watching what's going on with pythons down here. I read an article yesterday that said there are from 5,000 to 30,000 in the Everglades area and points north.

I know, that's a weird gap in reporting the numbers.

The author said people buy the babies as pets, thinking they're manageable and only need those little aquarium things; forgetting that down the line they will need their own room.

The article was sort of hilarious. It was like the guy was saying "I know what you're thinking - let's round them up and use them for food for the needy." (I believe it's open season on boars right now. Not the kind you find in bars, the kind you find out in the woods.)

Unfortunately, the author had actually eaten python and didn't like it. Yeah, we're hoping for "tastes like chicken" when we read an article this unsettling, but did not have that satisfaction. He said pythons are "all muscle". So I'm imagining "chewy". Like trying to eat a wetsuit.

He said maybe with the right ingredients they might be ok. BAM!

I was telling Connie they want herp owners to "chip" their pythons. She didn't get it ... her son explained "microchip - like in dogs."

Then he started telling us about a classmate who is a stripper in Fort Myers. She raises (?) and sells pythons on the side, keeps them out back in Lehigh Acres and has a supply of rats for feed. (What kind of person can feed living animals to snakes?)

When they get too big, she just lets them loose. Nice.

He said she wears see through blouses, shorts exactly 4" wide and got off having to turn in a paper on time by telling the Humanities professor she has chlamydia.

However, she has accepted Christ as her personal savior.

I don't make this shit up.

This was a great Thanksgiving. I miss family and friends up north, but it sure is nice being out enjoying the sunshine on the big holidays.

Self-Diagnosis and "Cyberchondria"

Cyberchondria; I didn't know there was such a word. The NYT has an article on it. (I'll include a link a little further down.)

When I got sick five years ago (is it that long ago? I'm losing track of the years) my cyberdiagnosis was either MS or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

My test results churned up a hint of Epstein Barr Virus - so my doctor said no, not CFS - EBV. But everything I read online said that EBV and CFS are way similar symptomatically. In fact, the online research said that when EBV does not go away it BECOMES CFS.

In hindsight, in my mind - CFS is the garbage can of all diagnoses; that's what doctors say when they DON'T KNOW.

My symptoms were life-altering. I joked that I had Roseanne Barr Virus and that's why I was swearing so much.

After being desperately ill for two years, my symptoms started morphing. My face got lopsided when I was especially ill, and my fingers were starting to go numb. My doctor went from using the term "chronic EBV" to "diagnosis unknown."

He had given up on me.

My online support board was my lifeline and home base in my search for answers. I told my friends about the new symptoms and two told me I definitely had Lyme Disease. Those people were experts. They were all smart and sick with nothing but time on their hands.

I was like "WTF is Lyme Disease?"

So I went back online to Michigan's Department of Natural Resources site to see what a deer tick looks like. Well, it looks exactly like the wriggling critter I clawed out of my leg three months before I got sick.

Mine was second from the left in the photo lineup. I remember screaming when I realized the thing "on" my leg was IN my leg. I clawed him out - he was so full of my blood he was the size of a pea and nearly IMPOSSIBLE to kill. I slammed a 4" phone book on him and jumped on it.

I was not walking in the woods. I was sitting in a LaZBoy watching Sex and the City at my ex BF's house. He has five acres with deer out back. My Bouvier must have brought the critter in on her fur. We're not talking wilderness, we're talking a suburban setting where you could walk to Barnes & Noble.

All a sick person really needs is the internet - and THEN a doctor to find solutions to your self-diagnosis. Because that's EXACTLY how my illness went down.

I printed out a photo of deer ticks, circled the culprit and handed it to my MD. He immediately put me on IV antibiotics. Just a few years too late, of course. But late is better than never.

The article in the NYT is pretty funny. It's like "get a headache - go online and decide you have a brain tumor."

But I have to tell you - in my experience, a smart person with time and internet can meet or exceed whatever a halfhearted MD's got in his magic bag. Sick people MUST get involved in what's wrong with them or they may never find real answers.

Anyway, enough ranting. Here's part of the article:

"Mr. Horvitz said that in addition to his interest in creating a Web search tool that would give more reliable answers, the research was driven by clear memories from his medical school education of what was often referred to as “second-year syndrome” or “medical schoolitis.”

He said he remembered “sitting on a cold seat with my legs dangling off the examination table,” convinced that he was suffering from a rare and incurable skin disease.

While the doctor was out of the room, Mr. Horvitz said, he took a look at his medical chart and saw that the doctor’s notes read, “Eric is in medical school, and he has been reading a lot.”

The researchers said that Web searchers’ propensity to jump to awful conclusions was basic human behavior that has been noted by research scientists for decades. "

Click to read the full article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/25/technology/internet/25symptoms.html?th&emc=th

What I Didn't Know About Petland

I bought my Shih Tzu at the Petland on College in Fort Myers four years ago. She was small and sick, but she put her two front paws up against the glass as I went to leave and I was totally smitten.

She nearly died. She was on antibiotics by mouth every so many hours. I was still with Randy and we cared for her like she was our baby. Because she was.

It was very much touch and go at first. I kept her crate at eye-level so we could see each other all night. Every morning I was afraid to open my eyes; but Bodhi pulled through.

I had asked employees if Petland bought puppy mill puppies and they said absolutely not.

About two months ago my friend Mark asked me to meet him at Petland - he wanted help choosing a puppy. He was newly separated and in desperate need of company.

He chose a beautiful little white Maltese and named him "The Boss." The vet gave the puppy a clean bill of health.

The Boss seemed to thrive. Mark was a doting dad, took him everywhere, catered to his every whim. One night The Boss started coughing. Mark took him out of his little crate (he kept it right there on his bed) and cuddled him.

The Boss coughed one last time and died there in bed next to him.

Mark was inconsolable.

The vet said his heart gave out - probably due to overbreeding.

Today I got this from The Humane Society.

https://community.hsus.org/humane/notice-description.tcl?newsletter_id=28998582

If you love animals, please read the information and sign the petition. I do not have the strength to watch the video.

I went to Petland's site and found this:

"Petland is aware of the many animal welfare issues in the news today. We know that members of some animal rights groups would have you believe that all pet store puppies are bred and raised in substandard facilities. This is untrue."

BULLSHIT.

My little Bodhi is starting to demonstrate some symptoms that concern me. She is only four years old. She should live to 17. I wonder if she will live to half that.

I don't like saying this. I have never said it out loud. But now I know it's true - she is my little puppy mill girl.

The gray and white dog to the right of this page - that's Princess. She was a rescue. I found her online. The rescue people kept her two years before deciding to give her up. (?) They said she had been abandoned in an apartment building in New York.

They said she was a ShihTzu, but everyone tells me she's a Lhasa. I think she's a mix - she does a ballet spiral every time she pees.

The rescue people said she had separation anxiety, but she was anxious to come home with me and Bodhi. She's sweet, beautiful and she will probably outlive both of us.

My friend Rachael bought her two dogs at Petland. I remember when we first talked about it, she said "Pet store puppies need love too." That's very true.

But we both agree this has to stop.

If you've been looking for love in all the wrong places, please go to a shelter. Or rescue a pet from someone who can no longer afford to care for it.

Schadenfreude

My favorite word in the world. From the German (who else would have such a word?) - “Malicious pleasure taken from observing the misery of another.”

Our office is rife with it today. I made the mistake of telling someone about Saturday night.

Friday night was my typical Friday night, where I collapse on the couch with my soft warm bitches and go comatose. I figured this weekend I was going to make up for it Saturday night. “Woo fuckin’ hoo.”

There was big doin’s at CinCin, the upscale freak show in Fort Myers. This was a convergence of three or four singles groups, all mostly dysfunctional cliques who rarely cross over.

I posted the event to my group. It’s good for the person who organizes these groups to post events now and again. Especially since I’ve started charging $5 to join.

My biggest concern was running into one member I REALLY don’t enjoy. He reminds me of a Creative Director I worked for in Detroit … Jewish with prescription mood stabilizers and a combo napoleon complex/Nazi fraulein fantasy.

This guy I didn’t want to run into comes up to my nose. He and another short person climbed my ass when I posted a debate watch for Obama, even though I invited Republicans to post their own. He made a very big deal about never meaning to come across like the jerk he came across as; I made a mental note to avoid him like the plague from that point on.

Especially after he confessed to having downloaded my photo so he could stare at my skin.

So Saturday night I’m out and the first people I run into are friends associated with the ad agency I work for. I nabbed an outer table and we all decided to hang there. It felt a bit like a social fortress against the unknown.

Short Guy passed three times and tried to catch my eye. Like dogs watching you eat bacon from beneath a glass table. I like to think he didn’t notice I was deliberately avoiding eye contact, but I could not bring myself to wave or smile.

The temperature was beautiful, live music was drifting outside, flowered branches were literally grazing my head as I sipped my Riesling. Tealights … people in varied styles of dress, from fresh off the tennis courts to … well, I think there was a professional whore or two.

I was talking to the friend of my friend. I was told he had lost his wife three months ago. I am amazed at these people who can be married all their adult lives, lose a spouse unexpectedly and go on about their lives without falling apart.

This guy was out and about, playing golf, spending time with friends. We talked laundry technique (he was doing his own for the first time in his life) and we talked about his bereavement group at church. The conversation was a yawnerama but I was being a Good Buddhist. Compassionate.

He said he was afraid of becoming the area handyman for all available widows. I warned he could land in for far thornier situations than that.

He’s a retired auto exec from the Detroit area, so we talked about the good old days of freebies, expense accounts and people buying cars and trucks. I’m sure we know people in common.

I lost my focus for a split second and Short Guy magically appeared on my left. I stammered “Hi, how ya bin?”

He says “I had a boil.”

He rambles on about the boil for ten minutes. He is too close to my face. I resist the urge to ask him where the boil was so I can regale the people here at work with details on Monday. But I couldn’t do it. I was too grossed out.

Then he talks about his career in real estate. He is losing his house and his rental property and will have to move back into the trailer he lived in when he first moved down here.

This guy really knows how to impress a gal.

When he left, I turned to my new widower friend and said “Is it just me, or do you feel like running a warm bath and slitting your wrists?”

He laughed. Then he asked if he could take me out sometime.

I was flabbergasted. I am rarely flabbergasted. His wife’s body can’t even be cold yet. So I whipped out a business card, forced a smile and (hoping he wouldn’t) told him to give me a call.

Here at work they say I should go. I said I would much rather stay home with my dogs.

CinCin is back on my shit list. I’m going back to the beach where I don’t have to interact with anyone; I can just sit back and watch.

Trapped in Paradise

The evening I took this photo on Fort Myers Beach the air temp, water temp and my body temp were about 98.6. It was SURREAL. I have never felt or seen anything like it.

Trapped in Paradise.

I know, that sounds like a strange concept.

Went to yoga yesterday at Health & Harmony on McGregor and my Canadian friend Connie - a nurse and former professor - joined me for the first time.

She has fibromyalgia, I have Lyme Disease ... Gretchen, another friend at yoga, has CFS.

Gretchen and I have had significant relief from Iyengar Yoga. (Iyengar still teaches in his 90s. In his youth he was so ill he nearly died. His type of yoga is especially gentle and employs props.)

http://www.bksiyengar.com/

For Michigan friends - Iyengar was introduced to this country by a woman in Ann Arbor. When I sent my son a CD, I told him the CD was going back where it all began.

Anyway ... it is my hope that Connie will find some relief from this program. She did sign on for a series.

During our session she could hardly kneel and I heard her joints crack. I was very worried - and surprised since she has been investing a lot of time in other exercises.

Afterwards we went to Sakura on McGregor for soup & Chinese.

Connie told me she went to Washington DC last week to put out feelers for a new job. She seemed optimistic, but I knew she's at least as sensitive to climate change as I am. I asked her if she could survive up north again and she broke down and cried. (Our poor waitress thought there was something wrong with her General Tso's.)

Truth is - it doesn't matter if she can find a job there, she can't handle it. She said she was so cold she had to stand in a hot shower until she was warm enough to move again.

What a nice concept, to imagine you could move anywhere for work. It's just an unrealistic dream for some of us.

The temperature dropped 25 degrees in the last 24 hours. I am too cheap to mess with the thermostat and I'm damned if I will live in Southwest Florida and EVER use the furnace.

This morning I woke at 9 feeling like a stone. A stone in pain.

It's Sunday, I told myself I could sleep another 20 minutes. I finally limped downstairs and looked at my watch, thinking it had broken. It said 2:15.

I had breakfast well past lunchtime, fed the dogs, took them outside and had to go back to bed. I am 100 years old. Everything hurts. Thankfully, it's Godfather Marathon day on AMC and I caught True Blood and Californication tonight.

At this exact moment I think I'll be OK to go to work tomorrow. Everything I watch on cable ... I think about how I can apply ideas to our advertising campaigns. So it's not like I'm a 9 to 5-er. It's like they rent the demented portion of my brain 24/7.

But it's embarrassing to be coping with this shit, it makes me seem my age at the office. I am the oldest one there - although I don't think I seem like it.

I have enough vacation time left that I could easily go back to Michigan and see family over the holidays - but it would hit me so hard physically, I fear for the repurcussions. Last time I went north - August - I survived the giant temperature changes up there, came home and was sick for two months.

It saps my energy, leaving me susceptible to bugs and viruses.

My granddaughters are growing up without me. I have friends I'll probably never see again.

If I ever have to go back there to live year-round, I imagine I would be like a cripple. Or - like Connie and I agreed - we would shave 15 years off our lives.

It just sort of amazes me that nobody ever talks about this, about people who have to move here because they cannot survive in the cold.

Or - on a more positive level - about the people up north who endure cold and darkness who could be living fuller, more active, FAR more productive lives down here.

The Not-So-Magic Kingdom

Our new designer is acting like she died and went to heaven. We have so many off-the-wall females here it's like a slumber party without pillows.

This new one says the vibe at Disney is so paranoid, people were afraid to let her do her job.

She said internally they call it "Mouschwitz."

Within hours I got a link to this.

If you watch, you can almost smell the unbridled rage of Orlando's design team being poured into senseless creative brilliance ... and their hours being piled onto unsuspecting job numbers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdi48oUdZP0

Full Moon in South Fort Myers; Lettuce Depart

I woke up at 4 a.m. with the moonlight streaming in my windows and I could NOT get back to sleep.

The Robe was on ... Richard Burton, Jean Simmons (not the one with KISS) ... I can remember being awestruck the first time I saw this thing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Robe_(film)

These old movies are hilarious 50 years later ... Richard Burton really didn't have the legs for a skirt that short; however, Victor Mature is incredibly hot spread eagle in the torture scene.

They are all so pious and reverent on camera ... you know they partied like pigs between takes. The guy who played Caligula comes across as gay as Elton John's poolboy; according to Wikipedia he's twice wed, so my gaydar must be off.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay_Robinson

God I love Wikipedia.

So after that it was the local news and some wolf-hybrid is loose in Lehigh killing cows. Full moon, a powerful wolf that had busted loose from a cop van ... they were telling people in the area to stay inside. I'm not making this up.
http://www.news-press.com/article/20081112/NEWS0103/81112107/1005/ACC

Comments are hilarious in terms of how many miles per kibble this new hybrid gets.

Made a salad for work before leaving. Put the dressing in a separate container. When I took the dogs out for their last walk, I set my bags on the ground near the driver side door and the salad/dressing on the roof.

You guessed it. I pulled out and had driven about half a mile when I heard a few thuds and looked in my rear view mirror to see a trail of romaine. The dressing survived intact.

That's as good as it got.

Feeling Uncharacteristically VINDICATED

When McCain introduced Palin, my first impression was "she is every self-serving, credit grabbing bitch I have ever worked for." The Martha Stewart of politics.

In truth I have only been exposed to her type two or three times in my long career. Yes, I am blessed. One was the owner of Marketing Dimensions in my home state. In my head I always called that place "Marketing Dementia". This woman denied our request to hire a talented photographer because he was black.

Her passive, sweet-natured husband was poster child for PW and her son was so pampered kids at his wealthy private school beat him up at Christmas and shat in his hat.

I'm NOT making this up.

Those of you who wonder at my rages against Palin ... I knew her when I saw her. Women are DEEPLY intuitive when it comes to other women.

Sometimes you just have to trust us.

Now the media is catching up with Palin. Check this out ... AdAge called it "brand suicide." Here's an excerpt.

"Over at Slate, for instance, Daniel Gross, in a piece titled "The Day McCain Lost the Election," zeroed in three gross media miscalculations: McCain's clueless Sept. 15 "fundamentals of our economy are strong" declaration; his faux "I'm suspending my campaign" announcement of Sept. 24; and, beginning on Oct. 15, during the third presidential debate, his decision to fixate on the boneheaded (and factually incorrect) economic insight of Joe the Plumber (even as Barack Obama was soberly huddling with the likes of Paul Volcker and Warren Buffett).

In hindsight, yep, those were flawed, self-destructive calls (as were other major and minor screw-ups, like lying to David Letterman), but surely we'll see increasing consensus that McCain's real moment of ruin was his impulsive selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate."

Here's a link to the whole article, it's worth reading. (Even if the heading is about the worst ever.)

http://adage.com/mediaworks/article?article_id=132332

Dogfest, Henfest, Wordfest, Sandfest

When I walked into the agency for my first interview I saw a fully stocked bar to my left and a dog toy in the hallway.

I knew I was home.

Friday was a typical day except that we had six dogs instead of "just" five. (Parker, our Media Planner's Yorkie above.)

My Princess and Bodhi are down on the right somewhere ... Princess is gray and white, Bodhi is black and white. You need to know this because I will be talking about them further down.

We need to change our agency credentials to TV, Radio, Direct Mail and Doggy Day Care.

Our Lady of Cocktails (and company VP) was puppysitting a friend's 7 week old Imperial ShihTzu. She had had enough - the baby was barking and biting and she dumped her off in the office of an account person at the extreme end of our gulag.

I literally ran over to see it.

She is a tiny brown puppy, about the size of Bodhi when she was a baby. I asked if I could take her and Ti said BE MY GUEST. She was quite a pain in the ass.

For everyone but me.

ShihTzus are bred to be worshipped. You NEED to know that.

I established all 3 lbs. of her on my desk, where she blended in totally with my faux mahogany. I was given permission to paint my office any color and assured them I'd have it looking like an opium den in no time. It is pale lavender with beachy stuff all over the place; the antique mirror has a frame with shells I found on Sanibel - there are buddhas, candles, tarot paperbacks, a 2' stack of quote books, a dictionary bigger than my car and two plush dog beds.

Most creatives I know are cave dwellers. I like to keep my cave dimly lit. I put the puppy's chew toys, kibble and water to my left; I turned out that particular lamp so she could have darkness for sleep.

Coworkers came in with cameras wanting to take pictures but she was nearly invisible.

I put a towel in under her and cuddled her between my pillowy bosom of despair and my computer; she was sleeping with her chin on my arm ... and typing was a bitch.

She got somewhat restless occasionally and seemed to enjoy stepping on my keyboard. I didn't lose any files, but she added excessive spacing to my radio scripts and climbed a pile of papiers to pee on my To Do List; which was fine by me.

When she started biting (teething) I told her NO! She growled and barked. There is nothing funnier than something that cute and that small attempting to be menacing.

The company owner came in to talk and leaned over to nuzzle her. Sometimes I think to myself that is just the greatest place in the world to work; at other times I think it will eat my brain. (Actually, at this age, the constant barrage of information is probably HELPING it.)

Princess may have had puppies before because she was cool with this little one. Bodhi looked at me ... no, she couldn't even bring herself to look at me. She was in a ShihTzu rage, which is quite like a Finnish Rage, just as silent except you can't tell if she's pouting because she doesn't have jowls. Or if she does, the beard hides them.

I was bummed when the owner came for the baby. I bond too quickly ...

The day was nearly over when our associates from another company walked in ... and The Queen of Cocktails lived up to her name. I decided to join them for once and we had a fine time. I immediately picked up on obscure Sam Kinison references and decided they might be ok after all.

The Queen talked about entering a dancing contest and I asked if there would be poles. (Made one of the "other" guys snort their drink.)

After the boys left it turned into a henfest. Me, The Queen and our Business Manager decided to have "one more". The BM wanted to know what was going on in the pants - shaved, unshaved, Brazilian ... I said I'm a Democrat, NO MORE BUSH!!! (Our proverbial and actual 300 lb. black guy had joined us by then and we high-fived.) Then I clarified - why mow the lawn when nobody's coming over to play.

I only had two drinks but the hangover was nearly immediate. Stopped at Burger King for ground cow flesh and felt like a total asshole.

Saturday morning I got to catch up on my Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert. On election night I was glued to MSNBC, I could not handle commercials. So I missed Stewart/Colbert's Indecision 2008. I caught it yesterday.

My favorite part was John Oliver's report .. he said the economy is so bad Americans are sending scam emails to Nigerian princes. Said we owe China so much money the Chinese are now legally entitled to own us as pets.

Samantha B reported from McCain headquarters, where they were claiming Obama had released flesh eating bacteria into children's juice boxes.

When the election results were made final, it was clear that Stewart and Colbert were holding back tears. It was so cool.

I think you can still see it at indecision2008.com

In my own ongoing saga of financial hardship, my dentist is holding my new crown hostage. I lost part of a tooth to a fresh, delicious tortilla chip at Iguana Mia last winter, leaving a blackened stub on my upper left; I had to stop smiling for nine months. Now I have to wait maybe two paydays until I can get the temporary removed and the permanent applied. My fingers are crossed that the temporary will hold.

This is weird. At yoga yesterday I got a cramp and Mistress Sondra told us that the accupressure solution is to press the area between the bottom of your nose and top of your upper lip. It works!

This is disturbing. I read in "Psychologies" that we are approximately 15% less attractive than we think we are. I'm gonna need a bigger closet .. or burkas.

And I have two major word quandaries ...

WHERE DID "VETTED" COME FROM!? If you're going to invent a new word, you need to TELL people. At Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, the animals that were running for Mayor were all "Vetted" but that makes SENSE.

Well, maybe the word came about when McCain selected the pit bull ... I like to think she's back on the leash now. Sorry about your luck, now go learn to be a nice person.

And who on earth named the latest James Bond movie. "Quantum of Solace"?! What the FUCK. Whoever chose that name assumed most Americans have dictionaries. I doubt they do.

Still, this new Bond is really hot so my point is moot.

Today is sand sculptures out at the beach, but the snowbirds are back in force. I don't know if it's going to be worth sitting in traffic.

Happy Birthday RM if you're still reading this. Have a safe trip down.

HATE BASED CHRISTIAN GROUPS

How ironic, there is a typo in this cartoon. Well, I'm too tired and cranky to replace it with one that doesn't.

It has been a great 32 hours, I was looking forward to coming in here and having some fun. Then I checked my emails.

There were two racist jokes (from an unhappy McCain suporter) and one right wing rant about some Muslim stamp.

I told the McCain supporter he's just going to have to try to make under a quarter million next year. In his case I ignored the jokes, he was trying to bait me and I chose not to bite.

As for the Muslim rant ... that was just too much. I "replied all" and said PLEASE take me off these hate based Christian emails; Jesus didn't attack people who weren't like him. What gives you the right?" (I know my Bible! Don't they?)

The ignorance in this country is MIND BOGGLING. To say all Muslims are bad is the same as saying all Christians are bad. There are zealots in both groups.

Zealots come from factions that break into cults. I know, I was in one. I was raised Jehovah's Witness from the tender age of TWO. I can remember being too little to reach doorbells, so I had to knock. Yes, I went door to door. No holidays, no birthdays, no standing to salute the flag, no standing for the national anthem, no "worldly" (non-JW) friends.

It's hard enough being a kid, imagine being raised to be like that. When you're a kid you don't have a choice.

When you grow towards adulthood you start noticing things. Like they said "the true religion doesn't contradict itself." They said Armageddon was coming but "no man knows the day or the hour". Then they said it would come by 1975 and all who were not Witnesses would be destroyed.

Note to self ... this all contradicts.

As a teenager, dating was discouraged. Girls were encouraged to hook up with honorable JW guys. I was only 15 when I met mine. His father and grandfather were elders. We were married three years later, both virgins on our wedding night.

When I got pregnant his family was upset because "the end was coming". Their exact words were, "Well, suppose there's nothing you can do about it, is there?" (Note subtle reference to abortion??)

I was terrified to be pregnant because blood transfusions were against our religion."The life is in the blood" they said. (Well, then, what good is the blood without the life??)

I knew one woman who bled out and died during delivery. I knew JW mothers who were willing to let their children die.

I knew one personally - her son was burned severely in a fire and she was ready to let him go. This is so weird, I can picture her face. It was bony and pinched and she wore wigs. She was a tragic figure.

Hospital officials had to get a court order to save the child's life. I was just a kid when that went down. 19 in 1970 was a lot younger than 20 today; especially when you grow up in a cult. You are naive beyond belief. ("Big Love" gives me shudders and flashbacks.)

When I got pregnant my husband's family was dismayed that we were so stupid. "The end was coming."

I found one of the few doctors in the area who specialized in JWs. He respected our wishes. When I was on the operating table having my son by c-section I heard him say "she has rH negative blood." Drugged as I was, I knew there was no question I would do anything he recommended for my baby if there was a problem. Anything else was insanity.

That was my epiphany.

I won't even go into what came after that. Let me just say I have survived many horrible times in my life, but that took the cake. At 24 I bailed, quit the religion and quit the marriage. Today my son is grown and happily married with two children of his own.

A cult is a cult. If you suspect there is something wrong with your religion, LOOK CLOSELY.

There is SOMETHING WRONG when you are discouraged from having friends outside of the group.

There is SOMETHING WRONG when women are treated like second class citizens.

There is SOMETHING WRONG when people are measured by the color of their skin.

There is SOMETHING HORRIBLY WRONG when your pastor preaches hate from the podium.

Now I have gone all ape-shit angry on Christine for her zealotry and hatred of Barack, but it grieves me because I know there is good in her. I apologize for my rage, but I will no longer sit silent in the face of bigotry. I will not be part of the hate.

I try to be a good Buddhist and part of that is to SPEAK MY TRUTH.

I WILL call people on their despicable, divisive behaviors.

If we quietly accept the racial slur or joke, we are condoning. If we remain silent when we get hate emails, we are guilty. Like they say, if we're not part of the solution, WE ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Please speak out.

If more good people speak out, maybe we can force some change.

Mini-Rant About Hate Based Christianity

I'm at work and the phone rings. It's my friend Gina, former Jew for Jesus, still Christian, but currently churchless. A mortgage broker who's mortgageless.

There's a theme here. It's a sign of the times.

The last time I saw her we were starry eyed about Obama, drinkin' the drinks and talkin' the talk. It's always nice to share an evening with someone with the same level of obsession.

I am still in shock that Obama won. For me to want something so desperately ... well, it almost always backfires.

My opinions are typically the kiss of death.

So the phone is ringing and I'm thinking she wants to bask in the morning-after glory of election night ... only it's not like her to bask during working hours. I picked up thinking it had to be important.

I had to pull the phone away from my ear - she was SHRIEKING. "THAT FUCKING CHRISTINE!!!" And she's off ... Christine is the person who has been sending me the dead and aborted baby emails. Sends these horrors to someone who never had one, never woulda had one and is past ever having to worry about it.

I only tolerate her because her non-psycho self has an animal rights agenda and ... well, who wouldn't go to jail to free a critter or two?

She will not accept that I am a Buddhist. Well, as you can plainly see, I suck at being a Buddhist. But that's where my heart is. I believe in Jesus too, but I won't tell anyone because I don't want the stench of those judgmental right wing control freaks anywhere near me.

So Gina says Christine lured her into a conversation that seemed innocuous but immediately turned to election results. Gina said something perky like "isn't it great! Our first black president!!"

Christine went nuclear - informed Gina that Obama is most certainly the antichrist, out for world domination(??), and Gina is not a real Christian if she voted for him.

SMOKE was coming out of Gina's ears.

SMOKE was coming out of MY ears from hearing that shit.

Gina told her it's UNCHRISTIAN TO JUDGE PEOPLE.

I told Gina it's insane to waste a moment of time with toxic people. I asked her which church Christine goes to, what church dispenses this level of hate?

Assembly of God in Cape Coral.

I would truly like to know if this shit is being taught from the pulpit or if Christine is just a rogue whack job. Because if this shit is being preached from a local church, the FBI had better start investigating.

Hate that runs this deep can easily be stirred into acts I won't even put into words.

Christine? If you ever run across this blog? This is for you.

I dedicate this historic night ...

To my stepdad, John Lopez, who marched with Martin Luther King Jr. back in the 60s. (Photo taken last April when we all went to brunch on the Sanibel Princess.)

I called him the second I heard about Barack's win and congratulated him for all his hard work for all these many years.

His health has been very fragile. I told him "you have truly seen it all." He said "Now I can relax!"

I haven't heard him laugh in a long time. What a great feeling.

He and my mother have been campaigning hard in Gogebic County in Michigan's UP; the hard work paid off and the county voted Democrat.

My Jamaican friend from work texted, ecstatic. Before we left work I told her about being afraid to have an Obama sticker on my car in Florida. She says her mother felt the same way.

My last conversation about the election was just around 3. Our Business Manager asked why I was voting for Obama. I said partly because McCain would never survive, partly because he would be replaced by Palin and mostly because when you go to an Obama event you see every age and color - black, white, yellow and red. That is what this country is. What you see at a McCain event is what America was 50 years ago.

I said no single man has all the answers, but I trust him to surround himself with our best and brightest. I believe Obama will bring us together.

When I told her why I was pro-Obama I feared I was one of the few. I did not expect Florida to vote Obama. I am so proud to be wrong.

I am so proud that my little white beater with the Obama sticker now demonstrates a visionary edge over the massive Hummers with McCain stickers that ride my pathetic 4 cylinder ass each morning and night.

God Bless all the people who worked so hard to make this day in history.

Doug Edgar, Detroit area Cop who called Barack a Muslim and otherwise insulted my judgment for one hellish afternoon off Sanibel last March - you are what I said you are; a bigot. At least now you know what it's like to be a minority.

Election Day in Florida

We're not red, we're not blue, we're ecru. A tie state. It's going to be an interesting night after an interesting weekend.

Fell asleep on the couch Friday night with a cool breeze coming in from the lanai. This FEELS like Indian summer. It's cool enough to start kayaking again.

Was a little late for yoga on Saturday and was forced to sit in front, within striking distance of the instructor. I said as much and the whole class laughed; from then on Mistress Sondra was on my case, teasing, smacking and asking for assistance helping with the newbies.

After yoga I went to vote. The woman in front of me was knitting socks. I said "you could have seven toes before we get in there to vote." We got to talking, she teaches writing at FGCU. I was expecting a three to four hour wait, but it was only two. Everyone was friendly and respectful.

Afterwards I had a chance to stop at the local fisherman's shack near my condo. I know, it sounds creepy - roadside fish. Up north they sell corn like this ... near the road with hand-made signs. I was afraid to try it, but my friend Connie (the Canadian Nurse) recommended it.

I bought a bag of giant shrimp (contradiction in terms) for $15.00. I asked if I could throw it in the freezer and got a look that said ARE YOU FROM URANUS OR SOMETHING?? I hate cleaning shrimp, it's disgusting but Omigod. I threw them in a pot of boiling water and they came out plump, white and delicious. Tonight will be my last handful for dinner.

I will never buy frozen again.

Saturday night Donna and I introduced Peggy (from Connecticut) to Fort Myers Beach at night. She was dressed to the teeth. I told her she needs to start wearing clothes she wouldn't mind wrecking. "Dress like you're going kayaking". Also less jewelry. Peggy had gonzo diamonds everywhere. Been there, done that - it's just really not safe (or appropriate) in this day and time. We showed her downtown, Times Square, Local Color and wound up eating at The Cottage. Just another incredible night on the beach.

The Barking Shark is closed. That has me a little worried, I love going there to destroy my ear drums on weekends.

Got home and I could have gotten a contact buzz from eau de pot pouring out of my neighbor's windows.

On Sunday I went back to the beach for a long walk, about four or five miles from the pier to Junkanoo and back. This is totally paradise. Stopped at the Silver Witch and replaced my fake Lauren silver hoops (purchased for $25) for real silver for $18. The woman was offering 20% discounts, asked me if I was local - an gave me an extra 10%. It really is a small town when you live here.

Last night before leaving work I took a black magic marker to a large McCain photo, giving him flaring nostrils, nose hair, a curling moustache and arrow through the head. I left it on our Resident Jamaican's desk for morning. Ya Mon.

When I got home my neighbor was outside feeding her cat. She asked if I knew when the polling locations were opening in the morning. She still hadn't decided who she was voting for ... I said I'd never had any doubt. She said she thought Obama should submit his birth certificate and prove he's an American.

??? WTF ???

I ventured into chick territory and brought up the importance of choice. Told her about the dead baby emails, aerial hunting, every yucky fact that might impress an authentic hippie chick animal lover. I may have struck a chord and hope I swayed at least one vote for the team.

So now it's election day. My boss reminded us that - because we're in a historically Republican state - we're seeing a distorted view of what's happening in the national elections.

Like anyone who gives a shit, I am on pins and needles. My boss - who has worked for other campaigns - believes Barack has it IN THE BAG.

I hope so.

I Hate Bigots.

I live where someone actually posted this to a newspaper today:

"I AM SO PROUD TO BE A WHITE BLOND COUNTRY AMERICAN SOUTHERN WOMAN!! YOU ARE IGNORANT IF YOU DO NOT VOTE FOR YOUR OWN RACE!"

I went off.

Ultimately I was dogging two response boards in the Fort Myers News-Press,; I wrote this for one and liked it so much I posted it to the other:

"McCain is a war hero. I respect that. I do not respect the hateful tactics he has resorted to, his blatant disrespect of his opponent and his choice of Palin, who is allowed to fuel the fires of their mobs.

His supporters are mostly white - which is NOT what this country is. (Look around you and get over it.)

My choice treats his opponent with respect, his VP does not incite hatred and his loyal supporters do not send emails with dead and aborted babies. His supporters come in every color of the rainbow. And that is what this country is.

A vote for McCain is a vote for an old guy who cannot survive this level of stress. So then, imagine President Palin and the First Dude.

Does the world respect us now? Imagine what it would think of us with them in charge.

Get real. "

An hour later, not another peep out of either response board. It's a Friday ... maybe the bigots are belly-up at the tiki bars.

Nearly a Decade Later

Ten years ago I was with my ex husband (and crew) bringing a boat up from Florida via the intracoastal. We stopped in South Carolina and were walking from the marina to a restaurant; I was in the lead and an old black man was approaching from the other direction.

When he looked up, he stepped off onto the street so the white woman wouldn't have to share the sidewalk. Memory of that image still hits me hard. When I vote this weekend, I'm going to think about that man - and this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW-6DpC-mj8

For dessert - that "Wassup" beer campaign ... eight years later.
http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=682a505c

The Weak in Review (Typo intended.)

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday. I am at work. My viking helmet with yellow braids is out in the car in case I get festive ... or we start drinking early.

I don't think I'll get into the spirit of things until after the election.

Was driving in morning before last and some idiot was on the "sign corner", Six Mile Cypress & 41. Apparently this intersection is where you go when you have something important to tell the world.

Or local traffic.

Some months back - when Officer Andrew Widman was killed by a Cuban criminal who had slipped through the system - the cops were on every corner with signs. People were honking in support of our police force and the outflow of compassion for Widman's family BLEW ME AWAY.

I thought "I have moved to a place with heart."

At work, I told the girls and one sat on the floor with the newspaper article about his widow and small children. She cried. That's how we are. We give a shit.

But the other morning there was a jackass with a giant "Nobama!" sign. I had a mascara wand in one hand and steering wheel in the other; still, I managed to flip him off without losing control of the vehicle.

I told the girls at work. Our new Jamaican model (I love her, she's awesome) said "He might have tracked you down and hurt you" and I said "the newspapers would read 'McCain Supporter Kicks Ass of South Fort Myers Grandmother" and I would be fine with that.

"Grandmother" sounds so innocuous. Snort. I am the world's worst Buddhist. Maybe I can return to that peaceful place after the election ...

My day doesn't usually end well when a flipped bird is my first public act; but that one did. Wound up at a very nice dinner at Bonefish after a wine tasting around the corner. Some of us needed a little sobering up.

Damned if two from our group aren't extremely bright Republicans. I sat there thinking (note commendable restraint) Republicans are either wealthy, fundamentalist zealots or stupid.

These two have been very political for a very long time, while I am a neophyte. When they attacked, I knew I was in over my head. I finally said "Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results."

To my surprise, that shut them down.

One of the Republican guys DID say something really interesting. "It seems like all intelligent women hate Palin."

It was a fun night, AWESOME crabcakes, superb service and no raised voices or bloodshed. Most important, I managed to get out for less than $20 with a nice tip. God money is so tight.
Yesterday I lived on fiber bars - that's all I had at home.

Needed to leave work a little early due to unanticipated bloat.

Last night I made Mexican Wedding Balls for our company Halloween party ... those little round white cookies with butter, nuts and confectioner's sugar. Dropped the bag in my kitchen and it exploded into a white cloud that looked like the final desk scene in Scarface.

I was up cleaning past midnight ...

Feelings of Pending Doom

This doesn't happen very often.

Yesterday I was overcome with a feeling of dread, so I headed to the beach and went for a very long walk. The sunshine and the waves made it all OK ...

until this morning. Three of us walked in with black clouds.

One, who is extremely intuitive, said "I have a feeling something bad is going to happen."

It's one thing to have the darkness myself. It's another to have intuitive friends have it as well.

I hope it all passes without incident.

NO MORE DEAD BABY EMAILS!!!

(Major profanity alert.)

I have bitched about this before. The second Palin came on the scene, a born again friend sent me an email filled with dead and aborted babies.

She must have heard I am pro-Obama. In her head, that makes me a baby killer. (??!)

Her first email arrived around the time Caribou Barbie's approval of aerial hunting made news in the animal rights community.

She and I are both members of that community; we would both go to jail on behalf of an animal.

At least that's what I thought.

I liked that about her. "Liked" being the operative word.

Apparently Palin's Evangelical Bible Thumping has erased all horrors against four legged souls. The first email she sent gave no clue to the bloodbath within. I opened it first thing on a Monday morning. She was smart enough to not include me with her entire email list because she knew I would get angry and REPLY ALL.

So this morning I get ANOTHER email from her with "Pro Life Video" in the subject line.

Her message read "The risk of losing another's friendship by sending this video, is far outweighed by the truth. I cannot & will not deny the truth..."

Will you deny my right to ask you to STF up???

Why don't you send this shit to people who have abortions? I'd actually be OK with that. But I'm six years past hot flashes - leave me TF alone. And nothing you send will diminish my admiration for Barack Obama.

In fact, shit like this increases it because I realize what we're up against.

FANATICS.

I didn't open the video. I wrote:

"I am pro-choice not because I have ever had or WOULD have ever had an abortion (I would not) - but because I have NO FUCKING RIGHT TO TELL SOME OTHER WOMAN WHAT TO DO WITH HER WOMB.

It's not about abortion here Christine, because the people who want them will still get them. I object to any group that tries to tell me what the fuck to do with decisions that are PERSONAL."

On the Cusp of Impressionable and Inappropriate

There was this thing on NPR the other day about "The Gossip Girls" - two women discussing how we should feel about impressionable young girls being exposed to casual sex and vomit soaked hair. (In my day there was always somone ready to hold it back for you.)

Anyway, they mentioned some miniscule statistic about how many young ladies (I use the term loosely) are swayed by seeing this level of decadence on TV. I think they said "5%".

I say bullshit. I'm thinking more like 60%. If it's on TV and presented as normal, the viewer is going to start accepting it as a natural part of life.

Case in point.

I have a friend my age who has been living a boring existence. A year ago I turned her onto "Weeds", my favorite Showtime premium series about an upper middle class woman whose husband dies. In order to support her sons after his death, she turns to a life of ... is it crime or misdemeanor?

She starts selling pot and has to rely on sources in the black community to teach her the ways. It is effin hilarious.

Anyway, since being exposed to the program my friend has BECOME the main character. No wait - she's just the opposite because in "Weeds" the main character deals, she doesn't smoke. My friend just smokes, doesn't deal. So far as I know.

She blames it on the economy.

Last Friday I was out with another friend (my age), and some white haired guy with the underbite of an overbred Pekingese was hitting on her. He pretended to be hard-of-hearing so he could put his cheek on her right breast and his beak down her cleavage.

She was enjoying the attention. Sometimes bad attention is better than no attention. At one point he asked her if she wore a thong. And she was aghast.

So he looked at me and said "what are you guys, GRANDMAS"?

This from a guy who could play Santa if he let his beard grow out. What a jagoff. I nearly whipped out my wallet to show him photos of my granddaughters, but instead I asked him "do YOU wear one?"

And he acted like that notion was ridiculous.

So I said "you have to have a perfect ass to wear a thong." And I thought ...

You have to be one to ask.

Just Answer the Goddamned Question

Couric asking Palin what she reads (watch for the Happy Ending)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07kO9TtHYzQ

The person from the past who most reminds me of Palin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

An Open Letter to pro-McCain Born Again Christian Fundamentalists

I don't know how I got on this particular email list. It was obviously fundamentalist Christian and I'm pretty sure the woman who sent the Obama smear copied and pasted it from something else. There's not that much original thought out there these days.

So I wrote the woman "please take me off your email list." Then I started a slow steam and decided to "reply all" to everyone on her list:

"I thought McCain was a good man when he first started running. He is (was) a man of honor. He is part of our history.

But his behavior in these debates has been rude and difficult to watch. Age also has honor - except that he is incredibly out of touch. He makes outdated references to "Hoover" - most people don't think "past president", they think "vacuum."

His age is cause for alarm because this grueling campaign will diminish his health. Imagine what the actual role of PRESIDENT will do. He gets more gray every day.

I am not ready for President Palin and The First Dude. I could have tolerated McCain as president, but NEVER with her second in command. From the animal pelts hanging on the walls of her office to her permission to shoot wolves and bear by airplane, she flies in the face of compassion.

She is a rabble rouser who stirs throngs to shouts of "hang him" - "kill Obama."

Those of you who are Christian ... where in the Bible do you find the scripture that says it's OK to incite this level of hatred against anyone, let alone another Christian?

Obama is Christian; maybe he does not wear your exact brand of Christianity.

Those of you who believe those who aren't of your exact brand are going to hell ... I can't even respond to how I feel about that. I am ENRAGED. You are not the boss of me!!! You will NEVER BE the boss of me!! She is one of you and I will have no part of it.

This nation needs to come together to fix this mess, not divide by faith. Those of you who don't like the fact that he's black. He's also half white and when he accepted his party's nomination he thanked his white grandmother for pouring everything she had into him.

As a mom of a Navy veteran and a proud grandmother whose own life hero was her own grandmother (who also poured her soul into ME ) I'm voting for the man with heart, with an intact first wife and first family, someone who will help us get our world respect back.

I see HOPE in his being both black and white.

I am especially sick of the ugly, 1950's racist undertones that are manifest in the Republican campaign. Look around you. This country is more than black and white - it is brown and Asian and ... Jewish and Muslim and Buddhist and so many things. I love the differences, I think they make us BETTER.

You can vote to pull us all together as one intelligent, informed society or you can vote for more 1950s small-mindedness.

In response to the original email, THAT'S what I call scary.

I did not copy and paste this response. It is not part of some chain. This is from MY HEART.

If we do not embrace change we are doomed.

We're being asked to wear our Obama buttons!

I was meeting Gina at Leapin' Lizards in Cape Coral; we haven't seen each other in a year.

She and Rusty are no longer an item. She has been "single" for six months and said tonight was the first time she's been out in all that time.

The place was hoppin'. Almost immediately Gina went off on this unprovoked anti-Palin tangent. Her rage was amazing, it was like sitting across from myself. She told me our mutual friend, Bible-thumping judgey Christine has been sending her pro-life anti-Obama email assaults. I told Gina about the dead and aborted baby email she sent me.

A few minutes ago I sent Gina this great link; hopefully she'll pass it on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DIc8jdra0o

I was going to just include Christine in the email, but that would be overtly pissy. Subtle is more fun.

It wasn't until about 10 that the Obama button started having some effect on the patrons. But the reactions weren't what I expected. I got nods and smiles. Holy crap.

One guy did come up, all arrogant, and said "Oh, so you like BLACK guys?" And the way he said it was insulting. I'm sure he thought he'd rattle me, I'm told I look like such a sweet, demure person.

So I satup a little straighter, looked him straight in the eyes and said "Yeah, as a matter of fact I do."

Gina told me the fundamentalists consider Obama to be the antichrist. I confessed to Gina that I secretly believe in Jesus (and the Buddha and other representatives of God on earth) but I'm too embarrassed to admit it because I refuse to be associated with control freak fundamentalist jackasses.

The sad thing is their behavior reflects poorly on some genuinely wonderful people.

Strange times. Strange times indeed.

Imagine President Palin ... (This is brilliant.)

(The photo is from an anti-Palin rally in Alaska.)

OK, this is fun:

Use the link below -
click on all items in the room....
open and close the door 3 times...
and open the windows before you answer the red phone ;)

http://palinaspresident.com/

The Last Debate; Complacency is the Enemy

The debate Wednesday at the Metro in Fort Myers was very nice ... but it was a fraction of the people who attended the second debate.

I asked my friends why; they thought maybe other Obama-ites feel we have it "in the bag".

No, we can't rest until this thing is DONE.

Anyhoo, after McCain's third "performance" (and behaviors since) I actually feel sorry for him.

Wink News was there at the Metro ... if interviewed afterwards I would have said "McCain is history. Obama will MAKE history." I don't mean McCain "is history" in that he's toast; which is not to say that he isn't. I mean that he has a true place in it.

But Obama will go on to greater things. He has the youth, vision and ability. With him as president, we will regain the world's respect. Maybe we will respect ourselves again.

Speaking of which - there McCain goes, digging himself in deeper every day. The "Arab" remark - something like "no ma'am, he is not an Arab. He's an upstanding family man." As if Arabs aren't. Holy crap fella. One of the most important people in my life was Arab - he was an incredible family man who just about adopted me and acted for many years as a father figure.

And then McCain referenced Hoover. As Grandma would say, "Criminy!"

These days, when people hear "Hoover" they think "vacuum".

On the personal side, there's a lot to be said for keeping a dream diary; they're better than shrinks for telling us what hasn't healed yet.

Last night I was half awake half the night from nightmares of past wounds. I rarely have nightmares; these so intense there was no need to write them down. I was reliving the worst events of the last three years.

I remember some years back I went to lunch with my mother, aunt and Gram; my aunt looked at me and said "you've had a really hard life."

Hell, that was YEARS before it got hard.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

For seven years I told the exBF he needed to get on the internet.

On a good day I would tell him he was perfect for technology - smart and logical, he would be able to finesse his way through the nooks and crannies of cyberspace as deftly as he wields dual remotes in his quest to conquer Comcast programming.

On a bad day I told him he was a fucking dinosaur.

So about eight months since my last packin' we're talking (on the phone) again and I notice his reactions have changed. Like he knows stuff I don't know he knows.

As if he had somehow managed to go online and find this blog and everything I ever wrote online. And damned if that isn't exactly what he did.

He didn't listen to me for the past three years, but apparently he has read every word of my online rants and heart-dumps as I poured my angst out into the great unknown.

Tonight he said I'm coming off as ... can't remember the word ... as a maniac, obviously new to the world at large and politics in particular and fairly venomous when it comes to McSame and Saracuda.

And he's right. And I apologize for being every bit as obnoxious as the Republican candidates.

I was at Publix the night of the debate. I had just come from yoga ... not pleased with yoga, our instructor du-jour ... du-evening ... had us TOUCHING strangers.

I remember the first time we were told to lie on our backs with arms extended and grab a stranger's ankles; as the stranger slowly inched back. It was SO creepy.

But wow, what a nice stretch.

Well, the other night it was a back and lungs manipulation wherein we were feeling up the shoulder blades of total strangers, pressing and separating. We were arranged by height. My partner was even poofier than me and I couldn't find hers. So I had to fake it, using bra-strap indentations as guides.

I walked away creeped out. And in a little pain from resting my back on a wood block during one of the poses.

So I'm at Publix afterwards and I'm in the checkout - buying all healthy stuff - and get to talking to the checkout lady. She said she was going away and I said where and she said Michigan and I said OOH, where - I'm from there. And she tells me Grosse Pointe and Armada and we are OFF, yacking, and she forgets to give me my $20 in cash back and I had forgotten to put all my stuff onto the turny thing. So after a manager checked her tray to make sure I wasn't doing a scam on the cash, I paid her the cash for the stuff I hadn't paid for.

And we never stopped talking.

I finally told her I had to hurry home for the debates. She said she was recording it. And she leaned forward and whispered "who are you for?" And I said OBAMA. And she sqwoonched her face. And I'm getting gentler lately, a little more sensitive. I told her I think I could POSSIBLY tolerate that old fuck (I didn't say that) if it weren't for Palin. (I did say that.)

She was shocked I don't like Palin. (Don't like is an understatement.) And before she could ask why I said "I'm sort of an animal rights person." And she understood immediately. She said "well, I like you anyway. " And I said "oh ditto!"

And it was fun and I remember her name and it will be good to see her again. We live fairly close to each other in South Fort Myers. I suspect she's a little older than me, working two jobs - teacher by day, checkout lady by night.

Man, does life suck. She said "65 hours a week is what it takes to get by in these days." Between work and creating cheap websites, I'm about there. It is exhausting.

ONE BAG OF GROCERIES WAS THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS. Where was I when the price of groceries DOUBLED? I don't eat meat ... we're talking soup and veggies. Holy crap.

OK, yeah, one really big bottle of wine.

The exBF is complaining his retirement fund is down 30%. I told him a lot of us don't have ANYTHING to anticipate beyond becoming a burden to our kids.

This week I told a guy friend what "the girls" talked about at brunch a few Sundays ago. We're all 50s & 60s. Wow, that sounds so old. So weird to be suddenly old. Well, I'm not going to take that for an excuse to start being mature now.

We talked about the type of woman who would go to CinCin and find a rich old guy to hook up with. And we talked about what a great deal it is for the rich old guy - so much cheaper than assisted living or a nursing home.

My friend Judy said "wives have always been cheap help."

I was telling this single guy friend about it. He couldn't relate from either end of the scenario, from the woman who would allow herself to be married help or the man who would need the help. ?? Anyone who acknowledges their mortality wonders who WILL take care of them. I told him at this age you're either going to be a burden for someone else or they will be your burden. Better to go alone gently into this sweet night. (I'm sure I butchered that.)

I was looking up great quotes today at work and found one by Virginia Woolf. I didn't know enough about her, so I looked her up. She committed suicide by filling her pockets with pebbles and walking into the river to drown herself. She didn't want to be a burden. She left a love note to her husband that he would be better off without her.

I think in Catholocism you are doomed to hell or purgatory or something if you off yourself. In Buddhism you're going to be reincarnated, so what's the point.

If you're a redneck, you may experience reintarnation. Which brings me to Mike Scott, Fort Myers (or Lee County) Sheriff who introduced Barack as "Barack HUSSEIN Obama".
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/10/06/politics/fromtheroad/entry4504484.shtml

Great way to get us in the national news. Aren't we proud.

I thought he was sort of hot until I read that. He would be totally hot if he had eyebrows and a conscience.

Intellectually he's the same as sumo thong cop, the exBF's detective buddy whose obnoxious behaviors hastened my departure.

I read the article about Scott referring to Barack as Barack HUSSEIN and got fired up. The response list was growing in leaps and bounds as I posted "He is guilty of INNUENDO; he's a smart man who knows he will influence the thoughts of actions of those who are less intelligent."

Then I went back to read the responses to date. They were so juvenile, so many typos, rebel flags, bigotry ... I went back and wrote "Do you people realize that the nation - no, the WORLD is reading this? Do we REALLY want to come off like a bunch of hairy shouldered knuckle dragging rednecks?"

No, I didn't post it - I deleted it because I'm afraid one of them will track me down and beat the shit out of me. Or Scott's cop buddies will start targeting distracted blondes with small dogs and Obama stickers. Who sleep with the TV on.

This morning I woke to stories of parents dropping TEENAGERS off at a hospital that had been accepting "children" without questions so BABIES wouldn't get dropped in dumpsters. My mother has told stories of my great aunt leaving her only son at foster homes during times like these.

They're not even calling this a RECESSION yet?

At work we had a meeting and clearly we still have plenty of clients counting on us. We were "brainstorming" (on the cusp of yelling and hammering on the table) when a particularly lame concept was presented. I leaned over to my favorite account exec and whispered "that's the equivalent of a marketing reach-around".

She snorted with laughter.

Everyone is tense. Laughter is a precious commodity. One of our guys was outside looking particularly depressed. I said if business falls apart "there are worse things than helping take care of your parents as they age and your grandchildren as they grow."

Every day I wonder where will I go if/when I lose my job. Will I be able to stay here? Will I have enough webwork to survive? Research shows websites will be even more important to those of us who will have to shift into survival mode.

I could move up north to live with family except that I can't take the cold - and heat is costing my parents FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH. That's more than half my mortgage. In Florida I can nearly turn off the air for most of the year and I used my heat exactly once last winter.

Let me end this with what I'm thankful for.

I am thankful for ...

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
My job
Where I live
That my family is good - those who need jobs have them, those who are retired are well set
The lunatics I work with
Being in touch with the exBF again
The two friends who told me they want me to live with them if I ever need a place to go
The gorgeous woodland storks that are showing up in South Fort Myers again
And the big white SUV that stopped next to me on Summerlin to block traffic and save a LARGE turtle. (The woman's daughter hopped out and carried it back to the slough.) She said he was really heavy.

I was going to block traffic until he made it all the way across all six lanes. God, I am an idiot sometimes. Maybe one of Sheriff Scott's cops would have caught me and ...

Well that poor turtle had his head and legs tucked into his shell hoping for the best in oncoming traffic.

Don't we all know THAT feeling.

Hopefully the universe holds more big white SUVs and people who care.

PRESIDENT PALIN AND THE FIRST DUDE

My letter to the Fort Myers News-Press ...

I DON’T THINK SO. At McCain’s age, in his state of health, with the extreme stress of this campaign and intense pressures of the actual job - Palin would most assuredly finish his term. Under-educated, unsophisticated and shrill … do you really want her and “The First Dude” serving as our faces to the world?

When news of her backing of aerial hunting of wolves and bear rippled through the internet, I started receiving emails with photos of dead and aborted babies. As if a vote for Obama was a vote for dead babies. As Ms. McNally so eloquently stated in her recent letter, “pro-choice is not the same as pro-abortion!”

I thought of retaliating to those emails with photos of our dead sons and daughters coming back from the war Palin supports as “holy” - but there aren’t any. And I would never stoop so low.

Tolerance? Let’s compare the blinding white of the Republican National Convention to the Obama Debate Watch I went to in Fort Myers Friday night. There were people of all colors, ages and incomes gathered together like FAMILY.

After a week of the worst national news in eight years, I think a lot of us finally got our HOPE back.

Hard times, presidential debates, mean-spirited lunatics and me - the word whore.

(Photo from the anti-Palin rally in Wasilla, Alaska. "Somehow" this event escaped media coverage. Want more? Write me, I'll send you a link.)

I sleep with the TV on. Like you - every morning this week I awakened to some of the worst news I have ever heard. Strange concepts ... bailing out the mega-wealthy by breaking the backs of American workers. Six and seven figure exit payments to the bankers who brought it on, some who should be going to jail.

Terms like "another depression - worse than the last."

I never paid attention before. I told a friend this morning - sometimes I will switch off the news to watch reruns of Friends because you MAX OUT ON IT.

Who in their right mind will buy non-essential goods in this economy? Some will bury their heads in the sand and pretend nothing is happening. Check the morning shows ... candy ass chicks are still aspiring to designer handbags that cost the average mortgage payment.

I work at an ad agency ... try being a person of conscience coming up with words that convince hard-working people to part with their money. For the most part, the demographic of our clients is my own age group. The people who survived Nam, the assasination of Kennedy, who lived large in the 80s and are scrambling to survive now as they (we) age with dwindling funds and limited prospects.

As I listen to the giant swooshing sound of my karma going down the toilet, I placate my inner word whore with the thought that if people don't buy these unnecessary things, there won't be jobs.

IF AND WHEN YOU BUY, PLEASE BUY AMERICAN MADE!!!

I know, it's hard to find American made goods these days. You want four more years of this bullshit?

I posted the Democratic Debate Watch to my singles group. (I founded the group, started with 7 lonely people on July 4, 2007; now we have about 205 people.)

I am a paid professional when it comes to words. First I went to meetup.com to make sure it was kosher to post political events. Then I took great pains to be fair. I invited Democrats and undecideds, gave the details and welcomed Republicans to post their own events. I asked that members of my group RSVP to the event portion of http://www.barackobama.com/ instead of my meetup group. Because I thought people would take shots, as people do.

I was blown away by the number of mean-spirited remarks I endured. I know some of these people. I wrote them "I have Republican friends; we treat each other with honor and respect." None of them bothered to read the details I provided in the posting, they saw what they wanted to see, accused me of being biased, of having invited Republicans to a Democratic event (that was a total lie) and censorship when they attempted to copy the entire group with their inflammatory remarks.

As of Thursday I had to cancel the event on that board because McCain was off to Washington as if Washington would be hopeless without him. If you post an event on Meetup and it is cancelled at the last minute, people are stranded.

On Friday morning I got a notice from the New York Times that McCain WOULD be at the debate. So around noon I sent out an email with a link to the news story on the New York Times. I suggested everyone watch the debate. There was no mention of Democrats or Republicans, just those who might realize they HAVE A STAKE IN THE FUTURE OF THIS COUNTRY.

And I heaved a sigh of relief, knowing there was no way ANYONE could take offense.

And again with the venom, as if suggesting people watch the debates was somehow offensive. All non-organizer emails must be approved by the organizer (me) so I was able to head them off. One of the most vicious attackers "quit" the group saying there was "too much drama".

One Democratic event posted on a singles site and one email to the group suggesting they watch at home was "too much drama" for this bitch.

It's a singles group. You quickly find out why some people are SINGLE.

Frustated beyond belief, I wasn't sure I would attend the debate because the first "Obama watch event" had been a reality check; bigots and rednecks were out in force. The organizer had accidentally chosen a hostile venue. (See previous posts.) So I was a little nervous about this one.
I walked in to an alternate universe ... people of every age, color and persuasion. Not the blinding white of the Republican Convention.

I was intellectually "home" for the first time in a long time. If I could find a church like this, I would go just to hang out. Good people from all walks of life on the SAME PAGE. I was early enough to snag a barstool where I could easily see the TV. Next to me was a Phillipino (?) woman my age. Then came an adorable young gay guy. We shared our two barstools with him, rubbing shoulders during the debate, laughing, yelling and booing for all we had.

A middle-aged woman with giant hooters walked by on her way to the john. My new gay friend said "those have to be fake" and I said "no, I think they're original equipment." He asked why ... I said "they're structurally unsound." He's like "oh, so you're saying it's the bra?" And I said YEAH.

More people attended than expected, many stood throughout and two women near us got tanked and had to be shooshed; but on the whole it was a major success. We all walked out smiling and energized.

Like everyone, I've been giving everything a lot of thought this week. And I came to some conclusions. Understand that I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to this stuff.

But here's what I think.

A vote for McCain is a vote for President Palin because his age, health, and the stress of the election compounded with the heat of the presidency will certainly kill him. And Palin? I was wondering what people see in her.

Anti-choice, against informing kids about birth control (abstinence doesn't work for her family - why would it work for anyone else?) born again, pro-war, pro-aerial hunting of wolves and bears ...

So who is for Palin?

Fundamentalist Christians. You know what? I have a few born again friends I love dearly. I recently received an email from one of them - it contained photos of dead and aborted babies. As if I were a baby killer because I believe in the right of people to make their own choices.

Palin is ALSO pro-war.

Where are the photos of America's sons and daughters coming back from Iraq in BOXES?

I thought church and state were supposed to be separate ... how long will that last with President Palin?