IN SEARCH OF THE PUBIC OPTION

I assume most males are FOR a "PUBIC" option. Especially with a porn-mouth blonde in a slutty black dress. Love the spittle (or demon orb) on the left boob ... and the typos; hate everything else, especially the ignorance and insensitivity.

If you want to know how fucked up our country is in terms of health care, APPLY for health care insurance.

I spent the day doing just that. My health is pretty good ... except for the stress. Yup, I have palpitations when my head hits the pillow. Symptoms like that are terrifying when you live 1400 miles away from anyone who gives a shit.

I haven't had a physical in about five years. That includes going to the gyno for the "pubic option". Haven't had a mammogram in that long either. I'm taking huge risks for a broad my age, but I also know I'm not alone.

If you don't have health insurance there's no point in finding out if something is wrong because YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO GET IT FIXED.

Women in my family live far longer than nature ever intended. My Gram outlived her brain, which sputtered through to about 87 before turning to grits. But her body? At about 93 she got some type of cancer and hospice was called. She outlived hospice and the cancer went away. (I don't make this stuff up.)

She could bend over from the waist and put her palm on the dementia ward floor at 96.

I don't think I'll be so "lucky". Not that I want to be, but I would like another decade or so. I'm a physically active vegetarian yoga nut. So I'm thinking catastrophic coverage should fit just fine.

It has to because I can't afford more. (Seems like it's running between $100 and $200/mo.)

I began my quest with a search of health insurance providers I distrust least. United Healthcare is a good choice here in Florida. I liked them when I had it through my job.

I think I landed on ehealthcare.com or something. They seemed to have some decent plans. I didn't trust not being at the source and didn't like that they didn't show Blue Cross as an option - that spooked me. An online health insurance site should show all the big providers. Shouldn't it?

So I searched for United Healthcare's actual site.

Again I wound up at some intermediary site. However, this one seemed like it listed them all.

I spent about three hours in purgatory starting to put my information in and just about dying as I went through the very OBVIOUS cherry-picking pages of the documentation. They don't want anyone who might get sick; they want perfectly healthy people who don't smoke, drink or ride motorcycles.

I went through health hell five years ago. I had a number of diagnoses the disability insurers called horseshit; I was served up a great heaping portion of Lyme with a side of mitral valve prolapse. Plus other stuff. That has me nervous when it comes to getting new insurance.

BECAUSE SUDDENLY THE HEALTH CARE INSURERS BELIEVE I WAS REALLY, REALLY SICK. They didn't then because it would have meant the disability people would have had to PAY.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you those mofos would rather see sick people die than cover them as promised. I had to rifle through two huge boxes of details from my time in hell to dig up some of what I needed to get through this day.

I think five years is sort of the cutoff for that information and I crossed my fingers. I don't think this stuff is computerized yet. Besides which, my health did turn around completely in the past few years. I don't take any meds, I'm very active, I live a very healthy life.

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE FORMS???? Some were asking excruciatingly detailed stuff, like "have you had a urinary tract infection?" Pubic options as it were ... I don't know any woman who doesn't get them from time to time. THEY WANTED TO KNOW WHEN, WHERE IT WAS TREATED AND WHAT WAS INVOLVED. Oh, and "when's the last time you had one?"

Bite me.

I peed in a cup, they said "yeah, infection" and I got a prescription and poof, GONE. More than a year ago. It was from some good old-fashioned holiday boffing.

I went into those forms about four or five times and was completely frustrated by the time I actually picked up the phone and dialed the number the website showed for United Healthcare. I told the friendly, professional sounding person that I had been insured through them, I just wanted to get whatever I could sign on for as an individual on United Healthcare's plan.

I was passed through to a representative in Florida.

TWILIGHT ZONE...

This woman sounded mid-sixties, nasal, condescending, like I'd caught her getting her nails done at some discount salon in Miami. She sounded a little put out.

I told her I wanted United Healthcare - I even knew the plan number - and she said "honey, at your age you don't want that. They'll raise your rates. You need ..." (she mumbled when she gave the name.) I notice all cues. She was never clear when mentioning the company's name.

She happened to have a special plan at a special rate that ENDED TODAY. I could be one of the last to join THAT GROUP but I had to commit then and there.

All my alarms are going off. What is it with this polite thing??? I hate me sometimes, I should have told her to bag it. But no, I'm scared, this is really important and I'll listen to anything but my bullshit detectors were on overload.

She kept asking if I understood what she was saying. It takes a lot to get me angry, but I was on my way. I said yeah, but give me a website or send me information. One phone call isn't going to cut it.

Twice she asks if I have internet. Twice I told her YES RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

She says "go to dubya ... dubya ... dubya ... dot ..." like I am a moron. Obviously she is.

This is the site.

http://www.napahome.org/

If I'm wrong about this organization, please let me know. I did a quick search and found where some other Florida resident posted "NAPAHOME RIPOFF!", that they nearly nailed him; he put a stop on his credit information before it could be processed.

And she's still blabbering as I'm checking this stuff out. And I said "I will not commit to anything based on one phone call. Give me your number."

She acted weird about that. I got a lecture on how there wasn't much time, all other companies were ripoffs and this was the insurance she had herself.

I told her my battery on my phone was running down and she didn't understand. She says "well I'll call you on your landline." I don't have a landline. She doesn't understand that some people gave up landlines years ago.

THE MOST IRRITATING WOMAN ON THE PLANET. Ten years ago she would have shown up at my Gram's door and convinced her to buy a $5,000 vacuum.

When I finally hung up I think I spent an hour not doing anything health insurance related; then I came back in to check Blue Cross. At least they should have my old information, that's what I had when I was sick and they were solid.

Turns out no, they do not have my old information. Which is a blessing and a curse.

I filled out the forms (as involved as those described above - if not worse). And at the end of all these pages YOU CANNOT GET OUT OF THE FORM WITHOUT COMMITTING TO A PLAN. Mind you, they want you to pay EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THEY'LL LET YOU HAVE IT.

There is no option after you've done all that work to just save it and come back.

So I paid. I know bcbs, it was an affordable rate for catastrophic and they didn't try to make it sound like more than it was.

I don't know what will happen, whether they'll check me out and decide I'm not healthy enough to have insurance and issue a credit - or let it slide.

I hope they accept me. It seems to me one of exBF Randy's buddies had it and they saved his ass on some serious stuff.

That's all I want or need at this point.

But tomorrow?

"Organizing for Tomorrow" is having a letter signing event in Naples.

They wrote: "Following the President's health reform address to Congress two weeks ago, OFA volunteers stepped up and generated a huge outpouring of grassroots support, including hundreds of thousands of signatures and calls in support of real health insurance reform. So to keep the great momentum going locally, we're holding a letter-writing event in Naples tomorrow. Organizing for America volunteers will be gathering together to write letters to our senators, asking them to support the President's Plan for Health Reform."

It's an hour drive but I can't think of a better way to spend a day.

Fried Squirrel, Taters & Haters

I think I'd only been here a few months when this gray squirrel decided to use my ornamental hanging for a pinata. The glare gives you some sense for the incredible heat we get and you can also get a sense for where I live, a small complex of townhouse condos on stilts. Which is cool.

Well, I didn't think so at first - not until my first summer of hurricane warnings. Then I was happy for 'em. Storm surge? Bring it on.

We've had heavy rains. As I write this, a Muscogee Duck and her babies are hanging out in a pool of water under my living area.

It has been so hot this week that - at 8 p.m. at night mind you - the short walk up six steps from my air conditioned car to my front door steamed my lenses to the point I couldn't see to put my key in the lock.

Yeah, my sentences are going to run on endlessly in this blog, I don't have the time to cut and polish like I'd like to.

My talking about the weather can only mean one thing; most of the interesting stuff has been happening to my friends - the Connies to be specific. Canadian Connie and Goose Connie. Well, Canadian Connie - RN? - packed up and moved to Washington for a great job. She called a few days ago to see if I knew how to milk a prostate. I thought all RNs learned that in school. Apparently I was mistaken. (Don't worry Canadian Connie, hardly anyone you know reads this.)

Goose Connie was originally an award-winning landscape architect in Chicago before she got sick and lost everything and wound up moving to Missouri to take care of her dying mom.

There she was on all those acres and damned if she didn't use the time to be constructive; she has turned it into a goose farm. Did all the research, from what types of geese she should have to what she should feed them and what type of dogs should herd/protect them. She did most of the physical labor, gets her chicks in the spring, feeds and cares for them all summer and ... well, we won't talk about fall. She always bonds to a few. I wouldn't be able to do what she has to do. She says many farmers "drink heavily at that time of the year."

But gourmet restaurants are beginning to request her geese and I have faith she'll do fine. People who can build a self-sufficient business from an idea and God's rolling acres blow me away.

Connie is juggling her second season of farming (in a farming community that still isn't none too sure about the strong-willed, opinionated city chick), her geese, her beloved pack of herding dogs (including a blind dog she adopted, who she says has taught her more about love than any other living creature) ... her mother's healthcare issues, hospice visits and the crushing burden of responsibility for that place and all those souls.

At forty something, her own health isn't the greatest either. She hides canes in nooks and crannies for those times she can no longer walk without assistance.

One day an acquaintance (Connie's like me - she has many acquaintances but very few real friends) asked her flat out "what will you do when your mom dies." That sent her tumbling into an emotional abyss.

When you're doing the right thing, the universe sends you what you need. Well, the universe sent Connie a big strapping fireman who gives a shit about her and her mother. On one of his first visits, he brought them home-made lasagna. When her mom said her favorite wild meal was squirrel, he came back with his gun and shot her some.

Imagine Connie's discomfort at having squirrels in the freezer. I asked if the bushy tails popped out when she reached in for cubes for evening cocktails and she said no, they were perfectly cleaned.

They fried 'em all up for her mom last Wednesday, complete with mashed potatoes with squirrel gravy and home-made pineapple upside down cake.

The biggest problem was what do you serve WITH squirrel - white wine or red? Turns out beer works best.

She posted lovely photos of this truly luscious looking spread on a totally country red and white checkered tablecloth - on Facebook. A few of her friends commented "yes, squirrel DOES taste like chicken. "

...

When I started typing today's blog I wasn't sure I knew how to spell pinata. I don't have the symbol for it and - being a Virgo - I needed to get it right. Stores around here have the real deal, but my old Oxford dictionary (1980) doesn't even have the word.

I'm still cooking from my 1968 Betty Crocker cookbook I received as a gift for my first wedding. (Yeah, laugh - bite me.) Old cookbooks are great, but old dictionaries ... you can see the evolution of social change with the addition of words from various ethnicities.

This awkward culture shift makes it difficult for people like me & Goose Connie; we're both outspoken liberal females in redneck conservative areas. She's actually related to Obama on his mom's side.

We share the despair. We talk about the hatred and bigotry. We both know of people who belong to (mostly Baptist) churches that advocate ... I can't even say the word. Well, it starts with "ass" and anyone who uses the word is one.

For about a week there we dumped our pain and sorrow out in emails and IMs. Most of it came out of discussions about healthcare. A few people implied (to Connie) that it might be better if her mother would just hurry up and die. (I posted her response below. If you are offended by rage and profanity, don't read it. If you want to see what life is like for someone caring for a dying parent in this country right now, DO read it.)

Some old cracker told me he didn't want some commie health plan where he couldn't choose his doctors. And I told him I'd be happy to be able to be able to see any doctor at all.

Connie and I have decided that if we weren't where we are, the only opinions most people would hear would be voices of hate. She told me of a brave 70 year old nun who stood up in a room full of haters and told her truth.

What an inspiration. So we're going to stick it out. I think we all need to. We don't want to get sucked into the cycle of hate, but we do need to speak the truth.

If the haters spoke the truth, maybe they wouldn't need to yell.

My neighbor reminded me when the snowbirds come back, we'll feel less alone in Bigotville.

CONNIE'S POST FROM FACEBOOK - MAJOR PROFANITY ALERT

To all the assholes who think its ok that my mom dies~ ie against health care reform

Thursday, September 10, 2009 at 12:25am

Well let's see, it's 10:30 at night and I have read yet another "assholian" comment about health care reform from one of my "friends". yeah- she's going to get unfriended too. Im at one a week now.... How can your sarcastic and mean and hatefilled comments be your argument againsthealth care REFORM.

Do you realize that you are against REFORM? Do you know what REFORM is? Please go look up that word so you understand what you are against. And be ashamed.

My Mom Patty is a fact of life.Age 85. Diagnosed with lung cancer and Alzheimers, Dementia, COPD, high blood pressure, blood clots, osteo arthritis, macular degeneration. Her out of pocket expsenses ....( Oh dont get all fucking GLASSY EYED NOW...WAKE THE HELL UP!) ...are over $1,400.00 per month for prescriptions. That's after Medicare and supplimental health insurance.

It goes to about $2,000.00 a month when she hits "the Doughnut Hole". (Oh shut up and go look that up too, you stupid fuckers)

Her Social Security check is $1,100.00 per month. Now, as smart as all you assholes think you are, you do the fucking math. And you come up with a health care solution for my mother that doesnt end with "ah...hmmm. well, just let her die". You fuckers.

How about all you people (Christians my ass.... Christ would be appalled by you and the sad thing is that you know that in your hearts and ignore it) who dont want health care reform walk a mile in my shoes.... or better yet, walk 2 or 3 or (God willing) 4 years in my shoes as I care for my mom. I stay here, at our farm in order to care for my mom.

Even if we (the family) believed in nursing homes as a place to park our elderly til they die, it is less expensive to have me here. I am one of the three statistics of what you fuckernut, right wing Christian lunatics think is good health care.

Statistic #1. The sister who thankfully married well and who's husband deposits $1,200.00 per month into a shared bank account with me so I can pay for food and gas. He also pays for her supplimental insurance. My sister comes down four times a year ( she has two kids of her own to care for on top of a mother and caregiver sister) in order to buy me luxuries like gluten free foods because I have a compromised immune system (which isnt covered by my insurance btw) and new glasses so I can read.

After food and gas and bills, there is nothing left over of the $1,200.00 they can allot me, as the caregiver. There is a negative amount that my brother picks up then.

Statistic #2. The brother, a self made man of some wealth. Who is able to pay for emergencies like my truck breaking down, the electric bills of 500.00 per month, the feed for the animals, my mom's emergency dental surgeries (once you hit her age, and I SO hope you do, you will find out that tooth roots no longer are alive. You die from the inside out).

All while paying for his two daughters educations and helping them thru life as well.

3. ME! You mother fuckers........ and isnt that a great term to use for this tirade about you-who think it is OK for my mom to just die? Im some sort of bizarre ultimate Christian/Buddhist/Animist who actually believes that it is my responsibility to be there as my mom dies. No matter how long it takes and no matter how horrible and ugly it is to witness.

Death by old age smells bad.... it looks bad.... it hurts me to witness it in ways that I hope you never have to experience yourself. And remember, I hate you... and STILL dont want you to go thru this. I have no problem hating you. At all. I hate you until I have other more important things to do, like love my Mom and love my friends and family for every kindness and every ounce of humanity they show me.

I am here to walk with my mom to Death's door and hold her hand and let her know that she is not alone in her journey. No one wnats to die alone. We all want someone to be there with us at the end.

Who will be there for you? Who will hold on to your hand as you die? (not me!...bwahahaha!!)

So my question to you is: Why is MY mother expendable in your eyes? I just want to know that. THAT'S ALL.

Why is it OK that my Mom has to lose everything she ever worked for in her life (the farm) and that my siblings and I have to be bled dry of all financial and emptional security in order to give her a dignified ending to her life? What the fuck is wrong with your hearts and brains?!

Yeah- thats the question:"WHAT DISEASED YOUR HEARTS, SOULS AND MINDS SO BADLY??!"

I go to sleep at night, hoping that I see my mom in the morning again. I tell her, "I love you, good night, I'll see you tomorrow". And I will stay here until the fight is over.This is about just one little stupid person's life being impacted by our country not having a health care plan for it's citizens.

One small scream fest of "fuck you!" to those who just dont care and cant see past their selfish selves.

Shame on you.