Visits From the Other Side

My Gram died last May. She was 96 or so.

She had dementia, so her brain had slowly been dying for years.

I can remember the onset, noticing the subtle changes. Family members didn't believe me. My Mom said she was just trying to get attention. (They never got along.)

Sadly, I was right. My aunt took her in and created my Gram's own personal paradise - painted in my Gram's blues, planted lush flower beds under her windows, set up her own sitting area for guests and cooked incredible meals. It was a beautiful place in her life, all that love and beauty, but I don't know that she noticed. Her gradual descent into utter looniness took a visible toll on her spirit.

Eventually Gram wound up in a nursing home where she couldn't wander off the dock into the river or set my aunt's house on fire.

Even when she was beyond thought or mental function, it was good to go to the nursing home and get a hug from the real flesh and bones that I have loved so much all of my life.

When I got "the call" I had just driven a 17' Uhaul alone from Michigan to South Fort Myers. I was coming down for a job that "went away" AS I was putting the lock on the back of the Uhaul. I drove the 1300 miles into the unknown, terrified.

Then I got news she was dying. Cousin Robin told me she had a final moment of clarity with those at her bedside - she remembered their names. I cried gasping sobs to have missed that.

I thought if I was lucky, she would come hang out with me in spirit. I joked she would probably be my first guest in Florida.

She was.

I was ready to crumble at that point. Alone at 56, living with Lyme Disease and jobless in a strange new place ... my back - and my heart - were truly breaking. She sent her strength to help me through what would be the hardest times of my life. I could actually feel it coursing through my soul within hours of her passing. There was no way I could have landed on my feet without her.

I've had a number of visits since she passed. I knew she'd do that, our bond is so strong. I also knew once she passed, she would be back in my life with a functioning brain.

At the BF's last night, the kitchen light went off as I stood next to it. I tapped it, it stayed off. When I walked away it went back on.

Gram has been doing things like that. Making pet toys squeak and lights go on and off and pictures rattle. (Only when I'm alone.)

Then this morning I fell back asleep and she was sitting there across the table from me, sort of slouched and relaxed. John Edwards says they keep their quirks on the other side. I've been reading his book on connecting, it's "One Last Time"; apparently I made a real breakthrough because this was an actual conversation. (He has some fairly extensive meditation techniques for connecting, I've gone through them a few times in the past week; but not last night.)

It was not a dream, it was an actual visit WITHIN a dream.

I said "Omigod, you're really here."
She said "You finally get it." (That was just a touch bitchy.)
I said "I love you and miss you."
Then we were quiet for a minute and I asked "how is it there?"
And she just shrugged, sort of a cranky shrug, and disappeared.*

I woke right up, amazed and sort of chuckling.

He says you can actually ask questions, he said to handle "visits" like interviews. I'll be more prepared next time.

I have to laugh that her brain is back but she's still a little on the snarky side.

Did she learn nothing in all her years here???

*This is odd because she has sent me dreams of joy and beauty. It's SO like her to start taking issue with things:-)