For seven years I told the exBF he needed to get on the internet.
On a good day I would tell him he was perfect for technology - smart and logical, he would be able to finesse his way through the nooks and crannies of cyberspace as deftly as he wields dual remotes in his quest to conquer Comcast programming.
On a bad day I told him he was a fucking dinosaur.
So about eight months since my last packin' we're talking (on the phone) again and I notice his reactions have changed. Like he knows stuff I don't know he knows.
As if he had somehow managed to go online and find this blog and everything I ever wrote online. And damned if that isn't exactly what he did.
He didn't listen to me for the past three years, but apparently he has read every word of my online rants and heart-dumps as I poured my angst out into the great unknown.
Tonight he said I'm coming off as ... can't remember the word ... as a maniac, obviously new to the world at large and politics in particular and fairly venomous when it comes to McSame and Saracuda.
And he's right. And I apologize for being every bit as obnoxious as the Republican candidates.
I was at Publix the night of the debate. I had just come from yoga ... not pleased with yoga, our instructor du-jour ... du-evening ... had us TOUCHING strangers.
I remember the first time we were told to lie on our backs with arms extended and grab a stranger's ankles; as the stranger slowly inched back. It was SO creepy.
But wow, what a nice stretch.
Well, the other night it was a back and lungs manipulation wherein we were feeling up the shoulder blades of total strangers, pressing and separating. We were arranged by height. My partner was even poofier than me and I couldn't find hers. So I had to fake it, using bra-strap indentations as guides.
I walked away creeped out. And in a little pain from resting my back on a wood block during one of the poses.
So I'm at Publix afterwards and I'm in the checkout - buying all healthy stuff - and get to talking to the checkout lady. She said she was going away and I said where and she said Michigan and I said OOH, where - I'm from there. And she tells me Grosse Pointe and Armada and we are OFF, yacking, and she forgets to give me my $20 in cash back and I had forgotten to put all my stuff onto the turny thing. So after a manager checked her tray to make sure I wasn't doing a scam on the cash, I paid her the cash for the stuff I hadn't paid for.
And we never stopped talking.
I finally told her I had to hurry home for the debates. She said she was recording it. And she leaned forward and whispered "who are you for?" And I said OBAMA. And she sqwoonched her face. And I'm getting gentler lately, a little more sensitive. I told her I think I could POSSIBLY tolerate that old fuck (I didn't say that) if it weren't for Palin. (I did say that.)
She was shocked I don't like Palin. (Don't like is an understatement.) And before she could ask why I said "I'm sort of an animal rights person." And she understood immediately. She said "well, I like you anyway. " And I said "oh ditto!"
And it was fun and I remember her name and it will be good to see her again. We live fairly close to each other in South Fort Myers. I suspect she's a little older than me, working two jobs - teacher by day, checkout lady by night.
Man, does life suck. She said "65 hours a week is what it takes to get by in these days." Between work and creating cheap websites, I'm about there. It is exhausting.
ONE BAG OF GROCERIES WAS THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS. Where was I when the price of groceries DOUBLED? I don't eat meat ... we're talking soup and veggies. Holy crap.
OK, yeah, one really big bottle of wine.
The exBF is complaining his retirement fund is down 30%. I told him a lot of us don't have ANYTHING to anticipate beyond becoming a burden to our kids.
This week I told a guy friend what "the girls" talked about at brunch a few Sundays ago. We're all 50s & 60s. Wow, that sounds so old. So weird to be suddenly old. Well, I'm not going to take that for an excuse to start being mature now.
We talked about the type of woman who would go to CinCin and find a rich old guy to hook up with. And we talked about what a great deal it is for the rich old guy - so much cheaper than assisted living or a nursing home.
My friend Judy said "wives have always been cheap help."
I was telling this single guy friend about it. He couldn't relate from either end of the scenario, from the woman who would allow herself to be married help or the man who would need the help. ?? Anyone who acknowledges their mortality wonders who WILL take care of them. I told him at this age you're either going to be a burden for someone else or they will be your burden. Better to go alone gently into this sweet night. (I'm sure I butchered that.)
I was looking up great quotes today at work and found one by Virginia Woolf. I didn't know enough about her, so I looked her up. She committed suicide by filling her pockets with pebbles and walking into the river to drown herself. She didn't want to be a burden. She left a love note to her husband that he would be better off without her.
I think in Catholocism you are doomed to hell or purgatory or something if you off yourself. In Buddhism you're going to be reincarnated, so what's the point.
If you're a redneck, you may experience reintarnation. Which brings me to Mike Scott, Fort Myers (or Lee County) Sheriff who introduced Barack as "Barack HUSSEIN Obama".
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/10/06/politics/fromtheroad/entry4504484.shtml
Great way to get us in the national news. Aren't we proud.
I thought he was sort of hot until I read that. He would be totally hot if he had eyebrows and a conscience.
Intellectually he's the same as sumo thong cop, the exBF's detective buddy whose obnoxious behaviors hastened my departure.
I read the article about Scott referring to Barack as Barack HUSSEIN and got fired up. The response list was growing in leaps and bounds as I posted "He is guilty of INNUENDO; he's a smart man who knows he will influence the thoughts of actions of those who are less intelligent."
Then I went back to read the responses to date. They were so juvenile, so many typos, rebel flags, bigotry ... I went back and wrote "Do you people realize that the nation - no, the WORLD is reading this? Do we REALLY want to come off like a bunch of hairy shouldered knuckle dragging rednecks?"
No, I didn't post it - I deleted it because I'm afraid one of them will track me down and beat the shit out of me. Or Scott's cop buddies will start targeting distracted blondes with small dogs and Obama stickers. Who sleep with the TV on.
This morning I woke to stories of parents dropping TEENAGERS off at a hospital that had been accepting "children" without questions so BABIES wouldn't get dropped in dumpsters. My mother has told stories of my great aunt leaving her only son at foster homes during times like these.
They're not even calling this a RECESSION yet?
At work we had a meeting and clearly we still have plenty of clients counting on us. We were "brainstorming" (on the cusp of yelling and hammering on the table) when a particularly lame concept was presented. I leaned over to my favorite account exec and whispered "that's the equivalent of a marketing reach-around".
She snorted with laughter.
Everyone is tense. Laughter is a precious commodity. One of our guys was outside looking particularly depressed. I said if business falls apart "there are worse things than helping take care of your parents as they age and your grandchildren as they grow."
Every day I wonder where will I go if/when I lose my job. Will I be able to stay here? Will I have enough webwork to survive? Research shows websites will be even more important to those of us who will have to shift into survival mode.
I could move up north to live with family except that I can't take the cold - and heat is costing my parents FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH. That's more than half my mortgage. In Florida I can nearly turn off the air for most of the year and I used my heat exactly once last winter.
Let me end this with what I'm thankful for.
I am thankful for ...
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
My job
Where I live
That my family is good - those who need jobs have them, those who are retired are well set
The lunatics I work with
Being in touch with the exBF again
The two friends who told me they want me to live with them if I ever need a place to go
The gorgeous woodland storks that are showing up in South Fort Myers again
And the big white SUV that stopped next to me on Summerlin to block traffic and save a LARGE turtle. (The woman's daughter hopped out and carried it back to the slough.) She said he was really heavy.
I was going to block traffic until he made it all the way across all six lanes. God, I am an idiot sometimes. Maybe one of Sheriff Scott's cops would have caught me and ...
Well that poor turtle had his head and legs tucked into his shell hoping for the best in oncoming traffic.
Don't we all know THAT feeling.
Hopefully the universe holds more big white SUVs and people who care.
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