Fried Squirrel, Taters & Haters

I think I'd only been here a few months when this gray squirrel decided to use my ornamental hanging for a pinata. The glare gives you some sense for the incredible heat we get and you can also get a sense for where I live, a small complex of townhouse condos on stilts. Which is cool.

Well, I didn't think so at first - not until my first summer of hurricane warnings. Then I was happy for 'em. Storm surge? Bring it on.

We've had heavy rains. As I write this, a Muscogee Duck and her babies are hanging out in a pool of water under my living area.

It has been so hot this week that - at 8 p.m. at night mind you - the short walk up six steps from my air conditioned car to my front door steamed my lenses to the point I couldn't see to put my key in the lock.

Yeah, my sentences are going to run on endlessly in this blog, I don't have the time to cut and polish like I'd like to.

My talking about the weather can only mean one thing; most of the interesting stuff has been happening to my friends - the Connies to be specific. Canadian Connie and Goose Connie. Well, Canadian Connie - RN? - packed up and moved to Washington for a great job. She called a few days ago to see if I knew how to milk a prostate. I thought all RNs learned that in school. Apparently I was mistaken. (Don't worry Canadian Connie, hardly anyone you know reads this.)

Goose Connie was originally an award-winning landscape architect in Chicago before she got sick and lost everything and wound up moving to Missouri to take care of her dying mom.

There she was on all those acres and damned if she didn't use the time to be constructive; she has turned it into a goose farm. Did all the research, from what types of geese she should have to what she should feed them and what type of dogs should herd/protect them. She did most of the physical labor, gets her chicks in the spring, feeds and cares for them all summer and ... well, we won't talk about fall. She always bonds to a few. I wouldn't be able to do what she has to do. She says many farmers "drink heavily at that time of the year."

But gourmet restaurants are beginning to request her geese and I have faith she'll do fine. People who can build a self-sufficient business from an idea and God's rolling acres blow me away.

Connie is juggling her second season of farming (in a farming community that still isn't none too sure about the strong-willed, opinionated city chick), her geese, her beloved pack of herding dogs (including a blind dog she adopted, who she says has taught her more about love than any other living creature) ... her mother's healthcare issues, hospice visits and the crushing burden of responsibility for that place and all those souls.

At forty something, her own health isn't the greatest either. She hides canes in nooks and crannies for those times she can no longer walk without assistance.

One day an acquaintance (Connie's like me - she has many acquaintances but very few real friends) asked her flat out "what will you do when your mom dies." That sent her tumbling into an emotional abyss.

When you're doing the right thing, the universe sends you what you need. Well, the universe sent Connie a big strapping fireman who gives a shit about her and her mother. On one of his first visits, he brought them home-made lasagna. When her mom said her favorite wild meal was squirrel, he came back with his gun and shot her some.

Imagine Connie's discomfort at having squirrels in the freezer. I asked if the bushy tails popped out when she reached in for cubes for evening cocktails and she said no, they were perfectly cleaned.

They fried 'em all up for her mom last Wednesday, complete with mashed potatoes with squirrel gravy and home-made pineapple upside down cake.

The biggest problem was what do you serve WITH squirrel - white wine or red? Turns out beer works best.

She posted lovely photos of this truly luscious looking spread on a totally country red and white checkered tablecloth - on Facebook. A few of her friends commented "yes, squirrel DOES taste like chicken. "

...

When I started typing today's blog I wasn't sure I knew how to spell pinata. I don't have the symbol for it and - being a Virgo - I needed to get it right. Stores around here have the real deal, but my old Oxford dictionary (1980) doesn't even have the word.

I'm still cooking from my 1968 Betty Crocker cookbook I received as a gift for my first wedding. (Yeah, laugh - bite me.) Old cookbooks are great, but old dictionaries ... you can see the evolution of social change with the addition of words from various ethnicities.

This awkward culture shift makes it difficult for people like me & Goose Connie; we're both outspoken liberal females in redneck conservative areas. She's actually related to Obama on his mom's side.

We share the despair. We talk about the hatred and bigotry. We both know of people who belong to (mostly Baptist) churches that advocate ... I can't even say the word. Well, it starts with "ass" and anyone who uses the word is one.

For about a week there we dumped our pain and sorrow out in emails and IMs. Most of it came out of discussions about healthcare. A few people implied (to Connie) that it might be better if her mother would just hurry up and die. (I posted her response below. If you are offended by rage and profanity, don't read it. If you want to see what life is like for someone caring for a dying parent in this country right now, DO read it.)

Some old cracker told me he didn't want some commie health plan where he couldn't choose his doctors. And I told him I'd be happy to be able to be able to see any doctor at all.

Connie and I have decided that if we weren't where we are, the only opinions most people would hear would be voices of hate. She told me of a brave 70 year old nun who stood up in a room full of haters and told her truth.

What an inspiration. So we're going to stick it out. I think we all need to. We don't want to get sucked into the cycle of hate, but we do need to speak the truth.

If the haters spoke the truth, maybe they wouldn't need to yell.

My neighbor reminded me when the snowbirds come back, we'll feel less alone in Bigotville.

CONNIE'S POST FROM FACEBOOK - MAJOR PROFANITY ALERT

To all the assholes who think its ok that my mom dies~ ie against health care reform

Thursday, September 10, 2009 at 12:25am

Well let's see, it's 10:30 at night and I have read yet another "assholian" comment about health care reform from one of my "friends". yeah- she's going to get unfriended too. Im at one a week now.... How can your sarcastic and mean and hatefilled comments be your argument againsthealth care REFORM.

Do you realize that you are against REFORM? Do you know what REFORM is? Please go look up that word so you understand what you are against. And be ashamed.

My Mom Patty is a fact of life.Age 85. Diagnosed with lung cancer and Alzheimers, Dementia, COPD, high blood pressure, blood clots, osteo arthritis, macular degeneration. Her out of pocket expsenses ....( Oh dont get all fucking GLASSY EYED NOW...WAKE THE HELL UP!) ...are over $1,400.00 per month for prescriptions. That's after Medicare and supplimental health insurance.

It goes to about $2,000.00 a month when she hits "the Doughnut Hole". (Oh shut up and go look that up too, you stupid fuckers)

Her Social Security check is $1,100.00 per month. Now, as smart as all you assholes think you are, you do the fucking math. And you come up with a health care solution for my mother that doesnt end with "ah...hmmm. well, just let her die". You fuckers.

How about all you people (Christians my ass.... Christ would be appalled by you and the sad thing is that you know that in your hearts and ignore it) who dont want health care reform walk a mile in my shoes.... or better yet, walk 2 or 3 or (God willing) 4 years in my shoes as I care for my mom. I stay here, at our farm in order to care for my mom.

Even if we (the family) believed in nursing homes as a place to park our elderly til they die, it is less expensive to have me here. I am one of the three statistics of what you fuckernut, right wing Christian lunatics think is good health care.

Statistic #1. The sister who thankfully married well and who's husband deposits $1,200.00 per month into a shared bank account with me so I can pay for food and gas. He also pays for her supplimental insurance. My sister comes down four times a year ( she has two kids of her own to care for on top of a mother and caregiver sister) in order to buy me luxuries like gluten free foods because I have a compromised immune system (which isnt covered by my insurance btw) and new glasses so I can read.

After food and gas and bills, there is nothing left over of the $1,200.00 they can allot me, as the caregiver. There is a negative amount that my brother picks up then.

Statistic #2. The brother, a self made man of some wealth. Who is able to pay for emergencies like my truck breaking down, the electric bills of 500.00 per month, the feed for the animals, my mom's emergency dental surgeries (once you hit her age, and I SO hope you do, you will find out that tooth roots no longer are alive. You die from the inside out).

All while paying for his two daughters educations and helping them thru life as well.

3. ME! You mother fuckers........ and isnt that a great term to use for this tirade about you-who think it is OK for my mom to just die? Im some sort of bizarre ultimate Christian/Buddhist/Animist who actually believes that it is my responsibility to be there as my mom dies. No matter how long it takes and no matter how horrible and ugly it is to witness.

Death by old age smells bad.... it looks bad.... it hurts me to witness it in ways that I hope you never have to experience yourself. And remember, I hate you... and STILL dont want you to go thru this. I have no problem hating you. At all. I hate you until I have other more important things to do, like love my Mom and love my friends and family for every kindness and every ounce of humanity they show me.

I am here to walk with my mom to Death's door and hold her hand and let her know that she is not alone in her journey. No one wnats to die alone. We all want someone to be there with us at the end.

Who will be there for you? Who will hold on to your hand as you die? (not me!...bwahahaha!!)

So my question to you is: Why is MY mother expendable in your eyes? I just want to know that. THAT'S ALL.

Why is it OK that my Mom has to lose everything she ever worked for in her life (the farm) and that my siblings and I have to be bled dry of all financial and emptional security in order to give her a dignified ending to her life? What the fuck is wrong with your hearts and brains?!

Yeah- thats the question:"WHAT DISEASED YOUR HEARTS, SOULS AND MINDS SO BADLY??!"

I go to sleep at night, hoping that I see my mom in the morning again. I tell her, "I love you, good night, I'll see you tomorrow". And I will stay here until the fight is over.This is about just one little stupid person's life being impacted by our country not having a health care plan for it's citizens.

One small scream fest of "fuck you!" to those who just dont care and cant see past their selfish selves.

Shame on you.

I Hate Bigots.

I live where someone actually posted this to a newspaper today:

"I AM SO PROUD TO BE A WHITE BLOND COUNTRY AMERICAN SOUTHERN WOMAN!! YOU ARE IGNORANT IF YOU DO NOT VOTE FOR YOUR OWN RACE!"

I went off.

Ultimately I was dogging two response boards in the Fort Myers News-Press,; I wrote this for one and liked it so much I posted it to the other:

"McCain is a war hero. I respect that. I do not respect the hateful tactics he has resorted to, his blatant disrespect of his opponent and his choice of Palin, who is allowed to fuel the fires of their mobs.

His supporters are mostly white - which is NOT what this country is. (Look around you and get over it.)

My choice treats his opponent with respect, his VP does not incite hatred and his loyal supporters do not send emails with dead and aborted babies. His supporters come in every color of the rainbow. And that is what this country is.

A vote for McCain is a vote for an old guy who cannot survive this level of stress. So then, imagine President Palin and the First Dude.

Does the world respect us now? Imagine what it would think of us with them in charge.

Get real. "

An hour later, not another peep out of either response board. It's a Friday ... maybe the bigots are belly-up at the tiki bars.

The Weak in Review (Typo intended.)

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday. I am at work. My viking helmet with yellow braids is out in the car in case I get festive ... or we start drinking early.

I don't think I'll get into the spirit of things until after the election.

Was driving in morning before last and some idiot was on the "sign corner", Six Mile Cypress & 41. Apparently this intersection is where you go when you have something important to tell the world.

Or local traffic.

Some months back - when Officer Andrew Widman was killed by a Cuban criminal who had slipped through the system - the cops were on every corner with signs. People were honking in support of our police force and the outflow of compassion for Widman's family BLEW ME AWAY.

I thought "I have moved to a place with heart."

At work, I told the girls and one sat on the floor with the newspaper article about his widow and small children. She cried. That's how we are. We give a shit.

But the other morning there was a jackass with a giant "Nobama!" sign. I had a mascara wand in one hand and steering wheel in the other; still, I managed to flip him off without losing control of the vehicle.

I told the girls at work. Our new Jamaican model (I love her, she's awesome) said "He might have tracked you down and hurt you" and I said "the newspapers would read 'McCain Supporter Kicks Ass of South Fort Myers Grandmother" and I would be fine with that.

"Grandmother" sounds so innocuous. Snort. I am the world's worst Buddhist. Maybe I can return to that peaceful place after the election ...

My day doesn't usually end well when a flipped bird is my first public act; but that one did. Wound up at a very nice dinner at Bonefish after a wine tasting around the corner. Some of us needed a little sobering up.

Damned if two from our group aren't extremely bright Republicans. I sat there thinking (note commendable restraint) Republicans are either wealthy, fundamentalist zealots or stupid.

These two have been very political for a very long time, while I am a neophyte. When they attacked, I knew I was in over my head. I finally said "Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results."

To my surprise, that shut them down.

One of the Republican guys DID say something really interesting. "It seems like all intelligent women hate Palin."

It was a fun night, AWESOME crabcakes, superb service and no raised voices or bloodshed. Most important, I managed to get out for less than $20 with a nice tip. God money is so tight.
Yesterday I lived on fiber bars - that's all I had at home.

Needed to leave work a little early due to unanticipated bloat.

Last night I made Mexican Wedding Balls for our company Halloween party ... those little round white cookies with butter, nuts and confectioner's sugar. Dropped the bag in my kitchen and it exploded into a white cloud that looked like the final desk scene in Scarface.

I was up cleaning past midnight ...

We're being asked to wear our Obama buttons!

I was meeting Gina at Leapin' Lizards in Cape Coral; we haven't seen each other in a year.

She and Rusty are no longer an item. She has been "single" for six months and said tonight was the first time she's been out in all that time.

The place was hoppin'. Almost immediately Gina went off on this unprovoked anti-Palin tangent. Her rage was amazing, it was like sitting across from myself. She told me our mutual friend, Bible-thumping judgey Christine has been sending her pro-life anti-Obama email assaults. I told Gina about the dead and aborted baby email she sent me.

A few minutes ago I sent Gina this great link; hopefully she'll pass it on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DIc8jdra0o

I was going to just include Christine in the email, but that would be overtly pissy. Subtle is more fun.

It wasn't until about 10 that the Obama button started having some effect on the patrons. But the reactions weren't what I expected. I got nods and smiles. Holy crap.

One guy did come up, all arrogant, and said "Oh, so you like BLACK guys?" And the way he said it was insulting. I'm sure he thought he'd rattle me, I'm told I look like such a sweet, demure person.

So I satup a little straighter, looked him straight in the eyes and said "Yeah, as a matter of fact I do."

Gina told me the fundamentalists consider Obama to be the antichrist. I confessed to Gina that I secretly believe in Jesus (and the Buddha and other representatives of God on earth) but I'm too embarrassed to admit it because I refuse to be associated with control freak fundamentalist jackasses.

The sad thing is their behavior reflects poorly on some genuinely wonderful people.

Strange times. Strange times indeed.

The Last Debate; Complacency is the Enemy

The debate Wednesday at the Metro in Fort Myers was very nice ... but it was a fraction of the people who attended the second debate.

I asked my friends why; they thought maybe other Obama-ites feel we have it "in the bag".

No, we can't rest until this thing is DONE.

Anyhoo, after McCain's third "performance" (and behaviors since) I actually feel sorry for him.

Wink News was there at the Metro ... if interviewed afterwards I would have said "McCain is history. Obama will MAKE history." I don't mean McCain "is history" in that he's toast; which is not to say that he isn't. I mean that he has a true place in it.

But Obama will go on to greater things. He has the youth, vision and ability. With him as president, we will regain the world's respect. Maybe we will respect ourselves again.

Speaking of which - there McCain goes, digging himself in deeper every day. The "Arab" remark - something like "no ma'am, he is not an Arab. He's an upstanding family man." As if Arabs aren't. Holy crap fella. One of the most important people in my life was Arab - he was an incredible family man who just about adopted me and acted for many years as a father figure.

And then McCain referenced Hoover. As Grandma would say, "Criminy!"

These days, when people hear "Hoover" they think "vacuum".

On the personal side, there's a lot to be said for keeping a dream diary; they're better than shrinks for telling us what hasn't healed yet.

Last night I was half awake half the night from nightmares of past wounds. I rarely have nightmares; these so intense there was no need to write them down. I was reliving the worst events of the last three years.

I remember some years back I went to lunch with my mother, aunt and Gram; my aunt looked at me and said "you've had a really hard life."

Hell, that was YEARS before it got hard.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

For seven years I told the exBF he needed to get on the internet.

On a good day I would tell him he was perfect for technology - smart and logical, he would be able to finesse his way through the nooks and crannies of cyberspace as deftly as he wields dual remotes in his quest to conquer Comcast programming.

On a bad day I told him he was a fucking dinosaur.

So about eight months since my last packin' we're talking (on the phone) again and I notice his reactions have changed. Like he knows stuff I don't know he knows.

As if he had somehow managed to go online and find this blog and everything I ever wrote online. And damned if that isn't exactly what he did.

He didn't listen to me for the past three years, but apparently he has read every word of my online rants and heart-dumps as I poured my angst out into the great unknown.

Tonight he said I'm coming off as ... can't remember the word ... as a maniac, obviously new to the world at large and politics in particular and fairly venomous when it comes to McSame and Saracuda.

And he's right. And I apologize for being every bit as obnoxious as the Republican candidates.

I was at Publix the night of the debate. I had just come from yoga ... not pleased with yoga, our instructor du-jour ... du-evening ... had us TOUCHING strangers.

I remember the first time we were told to lie on our backs with arms extended and grab a stranger's ankles; as the stranger slowly inched back. It was SO creepy.

But wow, what a nice stretch.

Well, the other night it was a back and lungs manipulation wherein we were feeling up the shoulder blades of total strangers, pressing and separating. We were arranged by height. My partner was even poofier than me and I couldn't find hers. So I had to fake it, using bra-strap indentations as guides.

I walked away creeped out. And in a little pain from resting my back on a wood block during one of the poses.

So I'm at Publix afterwards and I'm in the checkout - buying all healthy stuff - and get to talking to the checkout lady. She said she was going away and I said where and she said Michigan and I said OOH, where - I'm from there. And she tells me Grosse Pointe and Armada and we are OFF, yacking, and she forgets to give me my $20 in cash back and I had forgotten to put all my stuff onto the turny thing. So after a manager checked her tray to make sure I wasn't doing a scam on the cash, I paid her the cash for the stuff I hadn't paid for.

And we never stopped talking.

I finally told her I had to hurry home for the debates. She said she was recording it. And she leaned forward and whispered "who are you for?" And I said OBAMA. And she sqwoonched her face. And I'm getting gentler lately, a little more sensitive. I told her I think I could POSSIBLY tolerate that old fuck (I didn't say that) if it weren't for Palin. (I did say that.)

She was shocked I don't like Palin. (Don't like is an understatement.) And before she could ask why I said "I'm sort of an animal rights person." And she understood immediately. She said "well, I like you anyway. " And I said "oh ditto!"

And it was fun and I remember her name and it will be good to see her again. We live fairly close to each other in South Fort Myers. I suspect she's a little older than me, working two jobs - teacher by day, checkout lady by night.

Man, does life suck. She said "65 hours a week is what it takes to get by in these days." Between work and creating cheap websites, I'm about there. It is exhausting.

ONE BAG OF GROCERIES WAS THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS. Where was I when the price of groceries DOUBLED? I don't eat meat ... we're talking soup and veggies. Holy crap.

OK, yeah, one really big bottle of wine.

The exBF is complaining his retirement fund is down 30%. I told him a lot of us don't have ANYTHING to anticipate beyond becoming a burden to our kids.

This week I told a guy friend what "the girls" talked about at brunch a few Sundays ago. We're all 50s & 60s. Wow, that sounds so old. So weird to be suddenly old. Well, I'm not going to take that for an excuse to start being mature now.

We talked about the type of woman who would go to CinCin and find a rich old guy to hook up with. And we talked about what a great deal it is for the rich old guy - so much cheaper than assisted living or a nursing home.

My friend Judy said "wives have always been cheap help."

I was telling this single guy friend about it. He couldn't relate from either end of the scenario, from the woman who would allow herself to be married help or the man who would need the help. ?? Anyone who acknowledges their mortality wonders who WILL take care of them. I told him at this age you're either going to be a burden for someone else or they will be your burden. Better to go alone gently into this sweet night. (I'm sure I butchered that.)

I was looking up great quotes today at work and found one by Virginia Woolf. I didn't know enough about her, so I looked her up. She committed suicide by filling her pockets with pebbles and walking into the river to drown herself. She didn't want to be a burden. She left a love note to her husband that he would be better off without her.

I think in Catholocism you are doomed to hell or purgatory or something if you off yourself. In Buddhism you're going to be reincarnated, so what's the point.

If you're a redneck, you may experience reintarnation. Which brings me to Mike Scott, Fort Myers (or Lee County) Sheriff who introduced Barack as "Barack HUSSEIN Obama".
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/10/06/politics/fromtheroad/entry4504484.shtml

Great way to get us in the national news. Aren't we proud.

I thought he was sort of hot until I read that. He would be totally hot if he had eyebrows and a conscience.

Intellectually he's the same as sumo thong cop, the exBF's detective buddy whose obnoxious behaviors hastened my departure.

I read the article about Scott referring to Barack as Barack HUSSEIN and got fired up. The response list was growing in leaps and bounds as I posted "He is guilty of INNUENDO; he's a smart man who knows he will influence the thoughts of actions of those who are less intelligent."

Then I went back to read the responses to date. They were so juvenile, so many typos, rebel flags, bigotry ... I went back and wrote "Do you people realize that the nation - no, the WORLD is reading this? Do we REALLY want to come off like a bunch of hairy shouldered knuckle dragging rednecks?"

No, I didn't post it - I deleted it because I'm afraid one of them will track me down and beat the shit out of me. Or Scott's cop buddies will start targeting distracted blondes with small dogs and Obama stickers. Who sleep with the TV on.

This morning I woke to stories of parents dropping TEENAGERS off at a hospital that had been accepting "children" without questions so BABIES wouldn't get dropped in dumpsters. My mother has told stories of my great aunt leaving her only son at foster homes during times like these.

They're not even calling this a RECESSION yet?

At work we had a meeting and clearly we still have plenty of clients counting on us. We were "brainstorming" (on the cusp of yelling and hammering on the table) when a particularly lame concept was presented. I leaned over to my favorite account exec and whispered "that's the equivalent of a marketing reach-around".

She snorted with laughter.

Everyone is tense. Laughter is a precious commodity. One of our guys was outside looking particularly depressed. I said if business falls apart "there are worse things than helping take care of your parents as they age and your grandchildren as they grow."

Every day I wonder where will I go if/when I lose my job. Will I be able to stay here? Will I have enough webwork to survive? Research shows websites will be even more important to those of us who will have to shift into survival mode.

I could move up north to live with family except that I can't take the cold - and heat is costing my parents FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH. That's more than half my mortgage. In Florida I can nearly turn off the air for most of the year and I used my heat exactly once last winter.

Let me end this with what I'm thankful for.

I am thankful for ...

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
My job
Where I live
That my family is good - those who need jobs have them, those who are retired are well set
The lunatics I work with
Being in touch with the exBF again
The two friends who told me they want me to live with them if I ever need a place to go
The gorgeous woodland storks that are showing up in South Fort Myers again
And the big white SUV that stopped next to me on Summerlin to block traffic and save a LARGE turtle. (The woman's daughter hopped out and carried it back to the slough.) She said he was really heavy.

I was going to block traffic until he made it all the way across all six lanes. God, I am an idiot sometimes. Maybe one of Sheriff Scott's cops would have caught me and ...

Well that poor turtle had his head and legs tucked into his shell hoping for the best in oncoming traffic.

Don't we all know THAT feeling.

Hopefully the universe holds more big white SUVs and people who care.