Screw Fear.

Hey, we Boomers expected we'd get old with all our gold.

I spent this past summer worrying about how I was going to survive financially and it started reminding me of being a Jehovah's Witness, back when the elders were telling us the world was gonna end in 1975.

I had been hammered with that damned Armageddon thing since I was a little kid. We would be persecuted, we would be killed. Just like the death camps in WWII. Imagine teaching your kids about the death camps. Who does that??

I can remember being 6 years old and my mother sitting across from me at the kitchen table, telling me "one day you may be taken away from me, but you will have to be strong."

WTF. Strong? At 6? How?

As a young adult I would bow my head and mumble "but the Bible says no man knows the day nor the hour"; unfortunately, nobody hears you when you when you bow your head and mumble. And when you're female in that religion nobody would have heard you if you screamed, ripped off your bra and set your tits on fire.

The elders said the righteous (us) would be tortured and persecuted. And then God would sweep down from on high and smite all evildoers (anyone who wasn't us) and resurrect the righteous who had already died (only 144,000) and suck them right into heaven. Sort of a mini-rapture.

The rest of us would live forever on a paradise earth.

Even then, fresh and innocent, I can remember thinking "that sounds sort of boring. With THESE people? Foreverrrr?"

Fear gets really old after a while. You get numb. And then you get pissed off.

I bailed in 1974. And it felt GOOD. Screw fear, screw worrying about what's going to happen.

Guess what - the world didn't end in 1975. Just as I suspected.

So I spent all last summer terrified I couldn't make it financially one more month and you finally get to the point of fuggit, what's the worst that can happen? What poor friend or relative would YOU call if you lost your job and your house? Or which of your friends or relatives may wind up calling YOU when THEY lose THEIRS?

Which option is WORSE - and which has the potential for (gasp) good things? Like that sense of family and friendship, of pulling together that our spoiled brat generation lost a long damned time ago.

My daughter-in-law grew up in communist Poland. This is nothing compared to what she's been through.

So if you have to move, to room with someone, what will you take? What will you give away? What will you abandon?

When I hit the blackest of the black, lowest of the low an amazing thing happened. I looked around and asked myself what I could sell. What I should sell. I brought more furniture than I needed anyway.

Turns out I could get rid of a 7' tall antique oak sideboard, almost 4' wide. It was beautiful, but it ate my living area. I'd tried posting it to eBay before, got a hit, sold it and the buyer renigged. This is why I hate eBay. And this is why I hate being from Michigan, I'm too polite to post negative feedback. I might as well be Canadian.

(No offense Connie.)

I posted it to Craigslist instead and got a few lowball offers. Then the snowbirds started coming back. I used to hate to see the out of state plates, but now it's like the cavalry's comin. Feels good. Feels like cash.

I posted the sideboard to Craigslist and sold it within three hours. Got paid in hundred dollar bills. Not as much as I would have liked, but I basically broke even. I had a great gaping hole in the middle of my room, but wow. What a great feeling to let something go. And the space - there was something soothing about it.

Now nothing is safe. Well, the dogs and my late 70s German porn...

When I worry I organize my stuff and it just feels good. Those bags of clothes that are going to charity - they feel GREAT. The brown bags full of papers for recycling? EXCELLENT. I am thinning this shit out.

There's no crap in the fridge either - garbage in, garbage out. Literally. Every dollar counts, especially when you don't have health insurance.

And when I worry about where I could go, I think of it as an adventure my grandkids will tell their kids. Heck, I can aspire to become an unwelcome scourge in their lives - like the grandmother in Sixteen Candles.

I can give them the nervous tic they sometimes give me. Something to tell their therapists in years to come.

Maybe I will never have to go anywhere and then again, there is always a gray area. To be broke and alone and getting older in this economy doesn't necessarily mean you have to impose your sorry ass on someone else or that you may be asked to share YOUR home or condo - it may mean you will fall into something meaningful.

Because I've noticed a very weird change lately.

Last year at this time the guys on match were arrogant and condescending. Now they're kinder/gentler - a little bit humbled. Some are desperate and needy, looking for anyone solid and honest and not a golddigger.

Wood is less of a priority than gold and there's not enough of that to spend on bimps any more.

So it's getting pretty funny. I'm blowing off anyone with a Harley and taking more time with the boat photos; just for fun.

I am suddenly hearing from the men I loved most in the past, those bridges I never burned. "Are you seeing anyone?" It feels like musical chairs, where everyone realizes they're getting old and they don't want to be alone for the rest of this rocky ride.

So it could be good. None of us know where we'll be this time next year. One thing we know for sure - it's going to be interesting.

As I see it.

Maybe it is all about grace under pressure. No, that's not me in the photo, I just empathize.

I'm not a guy and I don't smoke. I have less facial hair and my car is slightly cleaner.

I haven't been watching the news much. I trust the President to do the right thing. I know he never had all the answers, but I do have the sense that he will surround himself with the variety of people who DO have solid answers.

I have no desire to watch him make the sausage. I try not to worry about things I can't change. I just voted for the person I believe in.

Was talking to Good Randy last night about Michigan and Florida. He says there is no doubt in his mind that Florida will come back to financial health as the rest of the Baby Boomers start creaking and limping and hating the cold.

That's part of why I want to hang onto my condo like my life depended on it. Well, in a way it does. This is where I got my health back. The weather and health resources in this area have literally shaved 20 years off how I feel; especially the nearby yoga center (Health & Harmony on McGregor) that teaches the Iyengar method. It's giving me more strength with every passing month.

At 58 I am the most flexible and limber I've ever been. I am very close to what I was in high school, when I was doing balance beam and uneven parallel bars. Well, then I had more upper body strength and could easily do the splits, but now I'm more flexible. The masseuse at Health & Harmony said "wow, you're LOOSE."

The weight is coming off, more as the side-effect of an incredibly healthy lifestyle than actual INTENT. Well, it helps that I won't be able to afford to buy food for a while.

We talked about Michigan. Good Randy said it will come back in a year. I told him I went onto the GM website this past week expecting to find bold new plans for selling those vehicles they can't sell. And damned if I didn't see why nothing is selling. NOTHING has really changed. NOTHING since I was writing that shit for the car company websites YEARS AGO. That is a total shock.

Sure, there are large rebates and some zero interest for a time, but it's all for PEOPLE WITH STELLAR CREDIT. Who has stellar credit?

Good Randy says it all has to start with the banks getting their act together.

This country's manufacturers need to borrow a page from Hyundai and their offer to TAKE THE CAR BACK for people who lose their jobs. That's an expression of faith in themselves. That makes me want to buy a Hyundai. EXCEPT I WANT TO BUY AMERICAN. AND I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT!

If enough people with jobs (92% of the population?) have a guarantee like that, more people will BUY the cars and auto workers will KEEP their jobs and the country will start to STABILIZE.

People will be less afraid to spend.

I'm feeling a little less traumatized today. Praying more. Glad that I went from hermit to social butterfly over the past year, I now have many contacts. I just have to take it one day at a time. (Only I'm such an obsessor it's more like one HOUR at a time.)

Immediate goals ... freelance (working on it constantly) and enough money set aside to rent a Uhaul to head back up north if I have to.

I pray that day never comes. And I pray for coworkers and others who suddenly find themselves in the same boat. And I can't imagine what it feels like to be one of the people who is still looking for work after losing their job a year ago.

Namaste.

THIS BAD ECONOMY IS GOOD NEWS FOR US FATASS AMERICANS

Yeah, she even looks like me. Just a lot younger.

This "despair.com" ripoff cracks me up. I'm putting it on my fridge.

Stay with me, there is a theme here. Not that the way I’m living MY life is any indication of how others might be reacting. But I can’t possibly be alone in this …

GAS PRICES

The gas prices are reminding me of Beyond Thunderdome with Mel Gibson … people riding their motorcycles in a world where gas is about as precious as gold.

Personally, I’m less embarrassed about driving a beater now. One of my friends jokingly called my 10 year old Saturn (with less than 70,000 miles!) my “Uranus.” It’s paid for! It gets more than 30 mpg!

Also I read that “frugal” is newly cool. Whodathunk?

But I try not to drive it at night or on weekends. I have been dabbling in alternative transportation … those things I did when I was twelve. I’m riding my bike and WALKING. And it’s fun. And I’m feeling like a kid again.

I don’t hit the couch every night after work, I hit the sidewalks! I had forgotten how many details you miss when you’re behind a steering wheel. When was the last time you rode a bike … took your feet off the pedals and let them just dangle as you happily flew along?

And I notice that every time I ride, I can go a little further. And my ample ass doesn’t hurt so much.

If I had more money and there was less traffic down here, I’d probably buy a Vespa. I foresee certain areas being full of bicycles and Vespas – just like Italy. As Eddie Izzard says in one of his stand-up routines, “cool people on scooters saying CIAO!!”

And if we’re all starting to ride bikes and Vespas and keep the guzzlers parked, that’s good for air quality. That’s good for the earth, for all sentient beings … the critters, the babies, the generations to come.

Of course, during the snowbird months in Florida, there is a word for people who ride scooters and motorcycles; roadkill.

FOOD PRICES

When I need groceries, I grab my fabric food bag and ride my bike to the grocery store. (See a previous post on what plastics are doing to the environment. It will break your heart.)

I don’t take groceries for granted like I used to. I still want to get out of there for less than $30 – which isn’t easy. However - with one fabric bag and a bicycle outside instead of a car - it is essential.

OK, if you have less money to spend on one of life’s essentials, don’t you INVEST that money WISELY? The South Beach Diet has taught many of us the meaning of empty carbs … that sick, lifeless feeling you get from eating garbage. Crap in, crap out. No pun.

Now you can continue to eat white flour and sugars and it’ll just make you more hungry and thirty bucks is NOT gonna cut it. Also you’re going to miss more work and have to see doctors for shi* you did to yourself and die years sooner than you might if you took care of yourself.

Well, maybe you aspire to being a burden to your kids. I don't.

For snacks at work I buy organic carrots in the teensy bags. I don’t buy lunchmeats, I buy hormone & antibiotic free chicken breasts and cook ‘em myself. Put them in South Beach wraps. And then there’s the organic high fiber cereal and pasta. Holy shi*, the box is half the size it was last time I bought it – but the nutrition is solid.

If food is going to be that expensive, I’m going to buy HEALTHY food. I am voting with my wallet. I am investing in my life.

CUTTING COSTS

All it takes is a good pair of scissors. They save me $190 a month.

I save $90 a month by grooming my dogs myself. Yeah, I do a lousy job, but I get a little better every time. I use a comb and scissors and the girls have grown to enjoy it.

A friend at work suggested I use Johnson Baby Shampoo instead of dog shampoo. "No tears!" It costs less, leaves their fur far fluffier and seems more soothing than pet quality shampoos. So far, so good!!

And I save more than $100 a month my doing my own hair. Last night I did highlights with a kit and went nuts with the scissors. It’s shorter, it will frizz nicely in the high humidity and I save major bucks.

I get better at that every time too.

LET'S REVIEW THE RESULTS OF THIS AWFUL ECONOMY:

Gas is so expensive some of us have taken to walking and riding bikes. (Benefits: Less pollutants in the air, improved health/weight loss.)

Groceries are so expensive some of us are eating healthier because we refuse to spend good money on bad food. (Benefits: Less garbage in the pantry, improved health and longer, happier lives.)

APPRECIATION IN GENERAL

Most of us don't take anything for granted any more.

Seems like nobody is whining much about their jobs these days. Well, a little standard griping on Mondays, but not much more than that.

Anyone who has a job is blessed.

Or a roof. Or ....