(Forgive me my friend, this was too good to pass up. Anyone who hangs out with a writer runs the risk of becoming fodder for the mill.)
Names are not used to protect the ... um ... innocent. The bottom line is this: being single sucks for people of all genders - male, female, bi, gay, he-shes, trannies ...
I was asked to review a variety of singles postings/communications for a friend. (This could be a whole new career for me if anyone is willing to pay for it. Otherwise I'm a word-ho who's happy to give it away for free.)
I'm going to leave most of the communications in original format because anyone who has ever BEEN on a dating site has already SEEN profiles like these.
DISCLAIMER! I want to point out that one of the coolest, brightest people I've ever known is a shrink who can't spell or punctuate to save his life.
I am deleting/elipsing anything that might zero in on the actual person who wrote it. Parts I enjoyed most are in bold:
"I am a country girl at heart.I enjoy all kinds of music oldies, country,jazz everything but hip hop, and I love to dance all night long. I am very spiritual and honest,and live by live,love laugh. I enjoy walks ,honesty ,friendship . I would enjoy meeting someone that enjoys others company. Appreciate doing something for others and not expect anything in return. I would love to pick up the guitar & violen again. I like and walking on the beach to clear my thoughts .Love football. I like sunrises and Tulips,and the feel of crunching the Fall leaves color under my feet. I like to go to the extreme cold weather where you can actually grow a garden. ..(blah, blah, blah, delete, elipse) ... I have a very giving heart to and never expect in return ,and I beleive if you will put it god's hands he will take care of it.There are people who walk in and out of your life and they are there for a reason .To teach and guide you some of lifes lessons. live love laugh is my motto because life is very short to not dance while you can."
Before I continue, let me say very sincerely - Bonsai Boy is quite the catch. Cute, funny, intelligent, successful. He feels that if you can play a violin, you should know how to spell it.
He grows ... well, you know. In a later communication this woman told him she grows "orchards." (He asked her which fruits grow in her orchards and she corrected her spelling.)
He asked me and his sister for our impressions. I wrote:
"Well my first impression is that she's a redneck crystal chick who was out behind the barn blowing her cousin while the other kids were learning to spell."
I went on with some kinder/gentler stuff about a lot of smart people being unable to spell and too lazy to punctuate. She could be a wonderful person, beautiful inside and out; the woman of his dreams. Or she could be raising four of the six grandchildren produced by crack ho daughters in a rented trailer, heading to the library every other day to escape the squalor and use the free internet services to find smart, successful, provider-types.
You just never know.
Bonsai Boy's sister read the same things he sent me; he reports "she was all over my case."
Next steps: he's going to give the orchard raising violenist a call anyway.
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